Friday Funnys
Submitted by ledge64 on Fri, 2014-11-21 08:09
Enjoy 
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tim-o
Posts: 4657
Date Joined: 24/05/11
(No subject)
I am, as I've said, merely competent. But in an age of incompetence, that makes me extraordinary.
bushbeaver
Posts: 159
Date Joined: 08/07/13
Nice ones there guys!
Nice ones there guys!
Alan James
Posts: 2206
Date Joined: 30/06/09
..
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband.
The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?"
All the women raised their hands.
Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"
Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.
The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband:
"I love you, sweetheart."
The women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response.
Here are some of the replies:
1. Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's up with you??
4. What now? Did you crash the car again?
5. I don't understand what you mean?
6. What the f*** did you do now?
7. ?!?
8. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.
11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.
12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she??
Paul H
Posts: 2104
Date Joined: 18/01/07
Farmer John once lived next
Farmer John once lived next to a quite road which later turned into a freeway and now his chickens were being run over at a rate of six per day
So Farmer John called the local police station to complain, "You've got to do something about all these people driving so fast and killing all my chickens," he said to the local police officer.
Youtube Channel - FishOnLine Productions
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dumper
Posts: 1026
Date Joined: 03/04/08
(No subject)
Ambiance
Posts: 105
Date Joined: 06/12/09
Clive
Clive Palmer was visiting a Sydney primary school and the class was in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked Mr Palmer if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'Tragedy'.
So our illustrious politician asked the class for an example of a 'Tragedy'
A little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playin' in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.'
'Incorrect,' said Palmer. 'That would be an accident.'
A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying fifty children drove over a cliff, killing everybody inside, that would be a tragedy.'
'I'm afraid not', explained Palmer, 'that's what we would refer to as a great loss'.
The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Palmer searched the room.
'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'
Finally, at the back of the room, little Johnny raised his hand and said:
'If a plane carrying you and Lazarus and Lambie, and all the other P.U.P. members was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile & blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.'
'Fantastic' exclaimed Palmer, 'and can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?'
'Well', said Johnny, ‘It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be an accident either!'
rigpig
Posts: 507
Date Joined: 21/11/12
hahahahahahahahaha gold
nice...
Adam Gallash
Posts: 15610
Date Joined: 29/11/05
Classic
+1
Site Admin - Just ask if you need assistance
Doooma
Posts: 791
Date Joined: 05/12/09
Haha, I just woke up the
Haha, I just woke up the missus and kids laughing at that Clive one!!!
jamey ford
Posts: 174
Date Joined: 25/05/11
Hahaha gold
Hahaha gold
Far Quirk!
Ambiance
Posts: 105
Date Joined: 06/12/09
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