Friday Funnys
Submitted by ledge64 on Fri, 2016-07-29 06:49
Enjoy
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groverwa
Posts: 286
Date Joined: 21/07/14
Wine taster
The Wine taster
At a wine merchant, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.
A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position.
The director of the winery wondered how to send him away.
He gave him a glass to drink.
The drunk tried it and said:
"It's a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.”
"That's correct", said the boss.
Another glass....
"It's a cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results."
"Correct."
A third glass...
''It's a pinot blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive,'' calmly said the drunk.
The director was astonished.
He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something.
She left the room, and came back in with a glass of urine.
The alcoholic tried it.
"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant - and if I don't get the job, I'll name the father."
quadfisher
Posts: 1146
Date Joined: 28/09/10
hehe.
Why do women find it so hard to find sensitive and stylish guys , whom just want to listen?
.....................................................................
cause those guys already have boyfriends!!
Anyone like dogs but hate poke e mon?
wallpaperzone.co/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Funny-Pokemon-Go-Memes.jpg
quadfisher
sea-kem
Posts: 14853
Date Joined: 30/11/09
Love the West!
wez0062
Posts: 334
Date Joined: 02/09/14
Useless GPS
I brought a new GPS the other day, was the newest U2 Model.
It bloody useless, the streets have no names & I still havn't found what I'm looking for
Wez0062
mullows
Posts: 738
Date Joined: 25/12/08
"Several days ago as I left
"Several days ago as I left the Bunnings in Rocky, to walk out to my ute and was reaching into my pocket from my car keys... got that sick feeling when I didn't find them there. I desperately gave myself a personal pat down, other pockets, shirt pocket, not there. Turned around real fast and trotted back into Bunnings . I did a quick search in the seats where I had been sitting, nothing. I asked everybody if they had seen my keys... nope. Then it hit me, I must have left them in the ute. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot outside Bunnings.
My wife, Faye has scolded me a thousand times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen if I do that. As I burst through the doors of Bunnings and out into the parking lot, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty, no ute
I immediately call the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the ute, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all.
"Honey," I stammered. I always call her honey in times like these. "I left my keys in the ute, and it has been stolen."
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Faye's voice.
"Kris," she barked, "I dropped you off at Bunnings on my way to the shops!"
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, would you come and get me?"
Faye retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince these coppers I have not stolen your fucking ute!!"
Cheers
Mullows
The Older I get the better I was :-)
Doc
Posts: 691
Date Joined: 29/05/16
lol, I can kind of relate to
lol, I can kind of relate to that