NEVER EVER play music on a BOAT!!!...this is why.. 

Once I was fishing off the shelf and decided to "bottom bounce", I had my trusty HMV vinyl record player and began to play Black Sabbath on 45. I started to catch blueye after blueye. 
I then thought... imagine what would happen if I played it in reverse, so I drank some 2stroke, bit the head of a pilchard and stripped down to my Y-fronts. I struck my zippo lighter high in the air and started to bang my head on the outrigger, whilst spinning the record backwards with my left toe. The sky went dark, the birds began to drop from the sky, the ocean turned blood red, Father O'Brien dropped his fishing rod and ran into the cabin. Suddenly my stomach began to churn, whether it was the pilchard, the 2stroke... I had to run into the onboard toilet, as Father O'Brien was huddled in the galley clutching a crucifix which he pointed in my direction. I just made it to the loo in time. I sat down and did my business. As I went to get up, a hand reached out from underneath grabbed me by the family jewells and pulled me back onto the toilet. I yelled in pain and tried to get up for the second time. The same hand grabbed me by the unmentionables and dragged me back onto the toilet seat. Painful as it was I decided I was going to jump off the toilet, so I did, but the hand was too quick and the pain was so great, I fainted. 

I woke up in Hospital several hours later with father O'Brien kneeling by my bed praying. I asked him if the Devil had finally let me go. Father O'Brien looked at me sadly with tears in his eyes and said "What Devil you idiot...you were sitting on a mop bucket." 

Needless to say he will never take me out on his boat again.