A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a secluded, rural area
of the state. After spending the night, his grandfather prepared breakfast
for him consisting of eggs and bacon. He noticed a film-like substance on
his plate and he questioned his grandfather....are these plates clean? His
grandfather replied....those plates are as clean
as cold water can get them so go on and finish your meal.

That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers his grandfather made for lunch,
he noticed tiny specks around the edge of this plate, and a substance that
looked like dried egg yolks...so he asked again....are you sure these
plates are clean? Without looking up from his hamburger, the grandfather
says.....I told you before, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get
them, now don't ask me about it anymore!

Later that afternoon, he was on his way out to get dinner in a nearby town.
As he was leaving, Grandfather's dog started to growl and would not let him
pass....Grandfather, your dog won't let me out.

Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching,
Grandfather shouted, COLDWATER, GET OUT OF THE WAY


Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars."
The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred dollars?"

The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law."

The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"

A man and his newlywed check into a mountain resort by a lake. The desk clerk notices the "Just Married" sign still on the car. As soon as the man gets the luggage out of the car, he hops in a boat to go fishing.

He is out all day, comes back for a quick supper, picks up his lantern and goes back out at night. This goes on for a couple of days when the man happens to stop by the desk. The clerk starts a conversation with the man and mentions his behavior.

"I know it's none of my business, but I was wondering why you weren't having sex with your new wife."

"Oh, I couldn't do that; she has gonorrhea."

"Well, what about anal sex?"

"Couldn't do that; she has diarrhea."

"There is always oral sex."

"Nope, she has pyorrhea."

"Wait a second. If she has gonorrhea, diarrhea, and pyorrhea, why did you marry her?"

"That's easy. She also has worms, and I love to fish!"