hehehehe.....good one Dale...hehe

a white horse walks into a bar and the barman says...what a coincidence....we have a drink named after you...and the horse says what, ERIC???

A beautiful fairy appeared one day to an asylum seeker claimant outside the Centrelink Offices.

'My good man,' the fairy said,
'I've been told by Kevin Rudd to grant you three wishes, since you’ve just arrived in Australia with your wife and seven children – all costs to be borne by the Australian Tax Payers.'

The man told the fairy:
'Well, in Sri Lanka where I come from we don't have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them.'
The fairy looked at the man's almost toothless grin and

-- PING !!! The Asylum Seeker had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!

'What else?' asked the fairy, 'two more wishes to go'.

The Asylum Seeker refugee claimant now got bolder.
'I need a big house with a three car garage on the Gold Coast with eight bedrooms – and a Gold Visa Card in each room -for my family and the rest of my refugee relatives who still live in Sri Lanka . I want to bring them all over here.

PING ! - In the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three car garage, a long driveway, a walkout patio with a BBQ, and a sparkling swimming pool and a BMW, full of his nephews playing their music.

'One more wish left for you', said the fairy, waving her wand.

The Asylum Seeker refugee claimant really decided to go for broke now and said “I want to be Australian with Australian clothes instead of the rags and shawl , and I want to have white skin like the Australians.'

PING ! - The man was transformed, wearing worn out Stubbies shorts, a dirty Bonds T-shirt and a greasy terry-towel hat. He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon.
'What happened to my new teeth?' he wailed. 'Where is my new house? Where’s my Visa Gold Card?'
The fairy said
'Tough luck. Now that you are Australian,
you're entitled to
sweet f*** all like the rest of us”.
And she disappeared

hehe.....

One day while checking the boundaries of his run down outback cattle station the boss came across a large snake.
As he was about to shoot it the snake said "don't shoot me I'm a magic snake and will grant you three wishes if you let me live". He though about it for at least 3 seconds and agreed, "my first wish is to have the property to have a never ending water source,a million cattle feeding on waist high grass".}
POOF and instantly there was big healthy cattle everywhere in waist high grass with running streams in every gulley as far as the eye could see. He was extremely impressed and considered his second wish.

"I want a huge mansion surrounded by a 20 foot high solid gold wall with a mound of pink diamonds 30 feet high".

POOF and instantly his wish was granted, everything was exactly as he had wished for so he sat back in the saddle to consider his final wish.

After a couple of minutes his eyes widened and a grin came across his face as a thought came to his head, "I have been impressed with my other two wish results so this one should be easy, I want to have a sex organ the same size as the one on the horse under me!"

POOF and the snake wriggled away in to the waist deep grass and out of sight, he quickly hopped down off his horse and dropped his pants, taking a glance he fainted waking up in a couple of minutes, having a better look and then screaming blue murder, "@#$%^&& &&^$# ,I forgot I was riding old Bess"!!!

I keep trying to refrain from making jokes about the sad passing of Adriana Xenides but that would be _nnapropr_ate

Would you like to buy a bowel?

this bloke was travelling north during the summer and feeling a bit thirsty, so he called into the pub at the next town and ordered a beer. while drinking his first beer he noticed a large glass behind the bar full of $10 notes. he asked the barman what the go was with the glass full of $10 notes. the barman informed him that out the back of the pub they have a donkey that wont stop crying. if anyone can make the donkey stop crying after they pay their $10 they get all the money in the glass. ok the bloke said , i will give it a go. he paid his money and went out the back and a few minuits later he came back in with the donkey laughing his head off. the barman cant believe it that someone has finally done it. he then hands over the money that came to $3500 . the bloke had a couple more drinks and headed off. 6 months later the same bloke was on his way back down south and decided to call into the same pub for a drink. this time there was 3 glasses behind the bar full of $10 notes. the bloke downed his drink and asked what the go was with all the money this time.the barman said that since you were here lats time we havnt been able to stop the donkey from laughing, just about everyone that has come through has tried and just couldnt stop it from laughing. the bloke said no problems i will give it a go. he finished his drink , paid his $10 and went out the back. within a minute he came back in with the donkey balling his eyes out. the barman couldnt believe it. the barman was curious as to how he did it so he asked the bloke, first time you were here you stopped the donkey from crying and now you come back and stop him from laughing.after counting the money that came to $9860 he said to the barman that the first time he told the donkey that he had a bigger dong than him so he then started laughing and this time i showed him.

whats the difference between an egg and a #ank?

you can beat an egg!

Mr Rudd was walking through St Peters Square with the Pope. When the crowd sees them some of them start cheering and calling out "Kevin, Kevin" Mr Rudd looks at the Pope and sniggers -" See , i can make some of the punters cheer even here on the other side of the world from Australia" The Pope smiles and says" But Kevin, i can make them all cheer" Kevin is astounded -"How?" So the Pope gives him a backhander.

We could all learn so much from this elegant and gracious lady.

You might recall that John Hinckley was a seriously deranged young man who shot President Reagan in the early 1980's. Hinckley was absolutely obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster and, in his twisted mind, loved Jodie to the point that to make himself well known to her, he attempted to assassinate President Reagan.

There is speculation Hinckley may soon be released having been rehabilitated. Consequently, you will appreciate the following letter from Nancy Reagan to John Hinckley.

To: John Hinckley
From: Mrs. Nancy Reagan

My family and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery.

In our country's spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know that we bear no grudge against you for shooting President Reagan.

We are fully aware that mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. We're confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive man.

Best wishes,
Nancy Reagan & Family

P.S. While you have been incarcerated, Kevin Rudd has been banging Jodie Foster like a screen door in a tornado. You might want to look into that.

Tequilla

what is an innuendo???

an Italian suppository ??

She's got that far away look.

The further away she is, the better she looks.