Paddy & Mick go to London to donate sperm. It was a disaster! Paddy
missed the tube & Mick came on the bus!!

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A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy odered a whiskey.
The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.

He replied in disgust 'I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let
liquor touch my lips!'

Paddy handed his drink back & said 'Me too, I didn’t know we had a
choice!'

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Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks 'How many people
are flying with you?'

Paddy replies 'I dont know! Its your f***ing plane!!'

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Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours
of amazing sex Paddy says 'I wonder how the girls are getting on'

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Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses &
lies on the bed spreadeagled & says 'You know what I want don’t you?'

'Yeah,' says Paddy. 'The whole friggin' bed by the looks of it!'

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Q. Whats a Catholic priest & a pint of Guiness got in common?

A. black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your arse if you get a
dodgy one!

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Paddy the electrician got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not
servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it was
a death trap!

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Paddy's chat up lines:

1. Did ya fart? 'Cos ya just blew me away!
2. Are your parents retarded? 'Cos your special!
3. My love for you is like diarrhoea. I just cant hold it in!
4. Is there a mirror in your knickers? 'Cos I can see myself in them!
5. Your body reminds me of a spanner. Evertime I think of you my nuts
tighten up!
6. You might not be the best looking girl in here, but beauty is only a
light switch away!
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Paddy & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbours dog is barking like
mad in the garden. Paddy says 'To hell with this!' & storms off.

He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks 'What did you do?'

Paddy replies ''ve put the dog in our garden, lets see how they like it!'

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An Irishman is shagging a Jewish girl & says 'You're not very tight for a
Jew!'

She says 'Well you're not very thick for a Paddy!'

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Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue.
'Be Jeysus!' he said, 'I didnt even know they had mobile phones!'

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Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick say
'Crikey! Theres a bloke here who was 152!'

Paddy says 'Whats his name?'

Mick replies 'Miles from London!'

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An Irishman is rowing his boat in a field of hay. Paddy drives past &
stops. He looks at the Irishman in the boat & shouts 'Its thick idjits
like you that give us Irish a bad name! I'd come over there & kick the
f**k out of you if I could swim!'