Lawnmower is an inspiration

8.00 am left Mandurah

9.20am, Arrived yesterday for scheduled Day Surgery to my lapband (The ports started leaking easy fix but means you can eat like a feral bushpig )any way got there sat down.

1030am, after an hour was told ,it will probably be after lunch , okay I can live with that or so I thought.

11.30am, the nurse came and took me into preop, I changed into the attractive gown sat down in a chair with some mags , anyway I sat legs crossed, so as not to air my paraphenalia to the rest of the room & read all the motoring mags national geographics.

1.30pm, I thought this is taking awhile, started on better homes & gardens read them them all.

2.30pm, came around excruiatingly slowly,anyway I get up ask whats going on? and told shouldn't be much longer dear, so sit down start reading womens fukn day, steam level just starting to build .

3.30pm, steam starting to trickle from ears , get up again ,ask again , it wont be long now dear, I'm dryer than a wooden god so have a small plastic glass of water , sit back down, Paraphenalia flapping in the fukn breeze as by now beyond caring,& all thats left is take 5's, a mag for the female without an IQ & also used as instrument of torture in Guantanamo bay, by this time feeling fukn suicidal with a fair head of fukn steam up!


4.30pm ran out of take 5's started reading WA wedding register by this time was drooling, ready to confess to anything & contemplating a streak.

4.45pm they finally come and get me Hallefuknlujah.

5.15pm aneathetist comes in , Mr Ford have you had anything to eat or drink ,,,,,,

5.15.30pm ,Fuck that fukn glass of fukn water nobody told me that I couldnt have it surely theres something in the UN charter about depriving some one of a drink for over 8 fukn hours!

6.00 pm I ended up sucking back on a 6 pack bought from Pub just up the road,reclining on the verge of Mounts Bay rd waiting for my nephew to pick me up from Mand , got some funny looks from all the yuppy fitness crowd jogging past, good thing none of them decided to comment, or throw money(probably scared off by the amount of "Fucks" I was throwing down the phone at Andy, who was doing his level best not to wet himself) as I'd be in gaol for aggravated ROTH&SDTN (ripping off their head & shitting down their neck)

8.30pm home pissed & pissed off!

Mate got the bullet from all subcontracting jobs in Hedland, was trimming the trees out front of his house suspended in a harness from a hiab crane when one of the hob nobs from one of the iron ore companies drove past and saw him.

Goodbye to all the work he had on his books and more or less blackisted in Hedland. 

Watch Your mouth Versus!!!!!!

South African Dutchman Van der Merwe had never been out of South Africa.  While on holiday in Australia he decided to spend an afternoon visiting Bondi Beach.

As he sat on the beach looking out to sea he saw a long line of black dots out in the water and said to an Aussie, who was sitting close by,
"What are all those little black things out there?"

"They're buoys," said the Aussie.

"Boys?!" replied Van der Merwe. "What are they doing out there?"

"Holding up the shark net," the Aussie told him.

"Bleedin great country!" said Van der Merwe, deeply impressed, "We'd never get away with that at home!"