Friday Funnys
Submitted by ledge64 on Fri, 2014-12-05 07:14
Enjoy 
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crasny1
Posts: 7003
Date Joined: 16/10/08
Oh my God
Not a good start to the weekend. Ill have nightmares.
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE HER SOME MORE CLOTHES FOR F-Sake!!!!!!!!
"I would like to die on Mars. Just not on impact!!" _ Elon Musk
psion
Posts: 424
Date Joined: 15/05/12
Holy Cr_p
The spider saw it too, Thats why he's trying to commit suicide
Iceman
Posts: 747
Date Joined: 17/03/09
Let's offend everyone If
Let's offend everyone
If these don't make you laugh, nothing will.
I came out of the chip shop with a meat/potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage.
A poor homeless man, sitting there, said, “I've not eaten for two days.”
I told him, “I wish I had your will power!”
I took my biology exam last Friday.
I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells.
Apparently "young blacks" and "Romanian gypsies" were not the correct answers.
A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time today.
She said, “Sorry about the wait.”
I said, “Don't worry dear. You might lose it eventually.”
I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop, as I went into the bank.
When I came out, he looked at me and said, “Any change?”
I said “No, you're still black”.
Snow in the forecast!
The TV weather girl said, she was expecting 8 inches tonight.
I thought to myself, "Fat chance with a face like that!"
An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road.
A man asks him,“What's wrong?”
The boy says,“Me ma is dead”.
“Oh bejaysus,"the man says.
“Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?”
The boy replies,“No tanks mister. Sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.”
Years ago it was suggested, that an apple a day kept the doctor away.
But since all the doctors are now Muslims, I've found that a bacon sandwich works better !
Japanese scientists have created a camera with such an immensely fast shutter-speed, that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth shut.
I hate all this terrorist business.
I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus, and think to yourself, "I'm gonna take that!"
Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland.
He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts down to him, “Where am I ?”
The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back, "You can't fool me. You're in that basket up there."
I had a Trivia Competition in the bag until the last two question,----which I got wrong.
One was, "Where do women have the curliest hair? and the other was, "what is six inches long and has a hole at one end and hair at the other ?"
Apparently the correct answers were "Fiji" and "a toothbrush".
A woman has a medical at the doctors.
“You are grossly overweight,” he says.
”I want a 2nd opinion,” she exclaims.
” OK. You're bloody ugly as well.”
That should more or less cover it all......
Smartline Personal Mortgage Advisers - Level 1, 11 Hobsons Gate Currambine
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randall df223
Posts: 6454
Date Joined: 08/08/11
Nailed it....
Nailed it....
Fish! HARD!
Poppy
Posts: 98
Date Joined: 19/01/13
Farty Friday
This guy went to the doctor and said to him "Doctor....I don't know what's wrong with me, but every time I fart, it sounds like the word HONDA".
"That's interesting, never heard of anything like that before. Do you think you could fart for me?" says the doctor.
The guy says "Sure." And sure enough, the doctor hears "HONDA".
After several attempts to figure out what's wrong with this guy, the doctor runs out of ideas. He sends him to all sorts of stomach specialists and none of them can figure out why this guys farts say "HONDA." It is a completely out of this world medical condition.
Finally, as a last resort, the doctors think they should send the man to a dentist. After explaining the problem to the dentist, the dentist opened up the guys mouth and examining it.
The dentist says "A-haa!!!!....I have solved the problem."
The patient says "What is it? What is it. Please tell me doc".....
The dentist replies "Well, sir, you have an abscess tooth."
The guy says "Yeah....so....What has that got to do with my farts?"
The dentist replies, "Cant you see??..... Abscess Makes The Fart Go HONDA"
A pessimist is never disapointed
The Saint
Posts: 473
Date Joined: 30/01/13
Fresh from the shower, she
Fresh from the shower, she stands in front of the mirror complaining to her
husband that her breasts are too small.. Instead of characteristically
telling her it's not so, he comes up with a suggestion :
If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet
paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.' Willing to try anything,
she fetches a piece of toilet paper and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. '
How long will this take?' she asked.
’ They will grow larger in just a few years,' he replies.
She stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between
my breasts every day will make my breasts grow larger over the years?'
"Well it sure worked for your arse ! "
sea-kem
Posts: 15021
Date Joined: 30/11/09
Ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha
Love the West!
sea-kem
Posts: 15021
Date Joined: 30/11/09
Love the West!
sea-kem
Posts: 15021
Date Joined: 30/11/09
Love the West!
Red Dog
Posts: 311
Date Joined: 13/12/12
How to remove a mustache - or
How to remove a mustache - or rather, how not to...
www.youtube.com/watch
red dawn
Posts: 104
Date Joined: 29/11/10
Porn
Why does anyone think that putting up a picture like the one above is needed to make us laugh. Go to a porn site if you need that. Tosser!
Deleted
Posts: 6265
Date Joined: 26/04/14
get over it
get over it
sea-kem
Posts: 15021
Date Joined: 30/11/09
You obviously walk around
You obviously walk around with a stiff pole up yo ass red dawn, geez lighten up. And for the record the rest of ya NO! I wouldn't tap that :P
Love the West!
red dawn
Posts: 104
Date Joined: 29/11/10
and you're
obviously hoping to see a picture of that.. Which , I must admit, would be almost funny, but that doesn't mean this is the place to put it.
Hutch
Posts: 2221
Date Joined: 21/04/13
It's friday funnies FFS.
It's friday funnies FFS. Where else would you put an "almost funny" picture?
Brock O
Posts: 3244
Date Joined: 11/01/08
I agree
lighten up Red! its a shit photo but good for a quick bat!
Ambiance
Posts: 105
Date Joined: 06/12/09
Lets Upset a Few More
Chinese, Frenchman, Australian and a Muslim
A Chinese, Frenchman, Australian and a Muslim are on holiday and enjoying the sights off the ‘End of the World Cliffs’ in Sagres , Portugal .
They were standing at the edge of a cliff viewing the sea when the Chinese suddenly throws a wad of money off the cliff.
"Why did you do that?" ask the others.
"We have so much money in China and I can afford to do it" says the Chinese.
"Ok" says the Frenchman and throws a bottle of champagne off the cliff into the sea, saying "We have so much champagne in France and I can afford to do it."
The Muslim looks at the Australian and says,
"Don't you fu**ing dare
Dale
Posts: 7930
Date Joined: 13/09/05
"Just because you are a Character, Doesn't mean you have Character."
Mr Wolf