Friday Funnys
Submitted by ledge64 on Fri, 2015-11-20 08:22
Enjoy :-)
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psion
Posts: 424
Date Joined: 15/05/12
love the dogs
love the dogs
Jimbo 2867
Posts: 9
Date Joined: 05/01/15
Friday funnys
Hahaha
love the tractor and them dogs wow good stuff!!!
Jimbo
grantarctic1
Posts: 2546
Date Joined: 03/03/11
lol
tot
Posts: 1149
Date Joined: 31/01/10
lol
That really is funny.
If you have experienced aussie snow/ice then you have prob had a similar moment.
Reverse cycle a/c supply and install - Ducted and wall splits
crasny1
Posts: 6986
Date Joined: 16/10/08
Old People's humour
ROMANCE
Barb was lying in bed one night. Art was falling asleep but Barb was
in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to
get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me..."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek
and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck..."
Angrily, Art threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" Barb asked..
"To get my teeth!"
DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home.
She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess
what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!"
An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"
Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the
years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and
said, "Now don't get mad at me... I know we've been friends for a long time
but I just can't think of your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't
remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared
and glared at her.
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to Know?"
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone
rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "
Vernon , I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong
way on I-25. Please be careful!"
"Hell," said Vernon, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
SUPERSEX
A little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down
the halls in a nursing home.
As she ran, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
"Supersex."
She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair, flipping her gown at
him, she said, "Supersex."
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take
the soup."
"I would like to die on Mars. Just not on impact!!" _ Elon Musk
crasny1
Posts: 6986
Date Joined: 16/10/08
I love Africa!!!?
"I would like to die on Mars. Just not on impact!!" _ Elon Musk
groverwa
Posts: 286
Date Joined: 21/07/14
I cant see the pics Mike
I cant see the pics
Mike
groverwa
Posts: 286
Date Joined: 21/07/14
HOW THE INTERNET STARTED,
HOW THE INTERNET STARTED, ACCORDING TO THE BIBLE .
PLEASE DO NOT GOOGLE THIS ONE OR CHECK WITH SNOPES.
THEY WILL LIE TO YOU. TRUST ME!
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy (Dot for short). Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. The sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent.
To prevent neighboring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was known as Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew to The People (HTTP).
And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. Indeed he did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.
And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known. He said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."
And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."
"YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com.
Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside
It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE).
That is how it all began. And that's the truth. I would not make up this stuff.
groverwa
Posts: 286
Date Joined: 21/07/14
Three consultants were in
Three consultants were in the bathroom, standing at the urinals. Two were from the top-tier Accounting firms and the last was from a 5th-tier Indian firm
crasny1
Posts: 6986
Date Joined: 16/10/08
Doctors (A) The number of
Doctors
(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is
700,000.
(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians
per year are
120,000.
(C) Accidental deaths per physician
is
0.171
Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of
Health and Human Services.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Now think about this:
Guns
(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S.
is
80,000,000.
(Yes, that's 80 million)
(B) The number of accidental gun deaths
per year, all age groups,
is
1,500.
(C) The number of accidental deaths
per gun owner
is
.0000188
Statistics courtesy of FBI
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
So, statistically, doctors are approximately
9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do.'
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN,
BUT
Almost everyone has at least one doctor.
This means you are over 9,000 times more likely to be killed by a doctor as by a gun owner!!!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Please alert your friends
to this alarming threat.
We must ban doctors
before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Out of concern for the public at large,
We withheld the statistics on
Lawyers
for fear the shock would cause
people to panic and seek medical attention!
"I would like to die on Mars. Just not on impact!!" _ Elon Musk
DTrain
Posts: 486
Date Joined: 10/02/12
(No subject)
Dale
Posts: 7930
Date Joined: 13/09/05
Life's like that sometimes.
"Just because you are a Character, Doesn't mean you have Character."
Mr Wolf
rob90
Posts: 1522
Date Joined: 06/02/13
Bahahahahaha eat shit!
Bahahahahaha eat shit!
Hi my name is rob............. and I'm a........... fishaholic
meglodon
Posts: 5981
Date Joined: 17/06/10
Just where would we be without friday funnies
Love the farm yard trip and the dogs