possible repost here:

Economics Teacher:
Class, can you give me an example of a complete business failure due to professional negligence?

Little Johnny:
A pregnant prostitute.....

An  Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a  diet.

'I  want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat  this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should  have lost at least 5 pounds.

When  the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly  60lbs!

'Why,  that's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my  instructions?'

The  Irishman nodded...'I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were  going to drop dead on dat 3rd day.'

'From  the hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor.

'No,  from the frickin' skippin'!!!!!!

On holidays in India recently , I saw a sign that said "ENGISH SPEAKING TAXI DRIVER"

I thought , what a good idea , why dont we have some in our country !

Hey mate ,really need your advise for a serious problem :

I have suspected for some time now that he missus has been cheating . the usual signs; if i answer the caller hangs up, going out with the girls alot .  I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home late but I usually fall asleep.

Anyway last night about midnight I hid in the shed  behind the boat ,when she came home she got out of someone's car buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on....It was at that moment that crouched behind the boat I noticed ....... a hairline crack in the outboard mounting bracket ..

Is that something I can weld myself or do I need to replace it ?

You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes, he's a catholic converter

'Dyslexic man walks into a bra...'

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.  
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

 
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour.  

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'  
 
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.  
 
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
 
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
 
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
 
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
 
Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.