So thats whats wrong with him!

There is an operation that can fix that sort of condition - A Frontal lobotomy

Only of being pushed in the back , then gang tackled ..

 

Hawthorn Hawks

Hawk Eye for the Queer Guy

     

With a colour code of brown and yellow, Hawthorn has never been a particularly fashionable club. In the late 90s, the club tried to address this liability through a policy of meta-sexualisation, which worked so well that the market has begun to think that the Hawk’s Eye should be reserved for the Queer Guy.

The foundations of Hawthorn's homosexual image can be traced to its entry into the VFL in 1925. Along with hideous colours of brown and yellow, administrators didn't see the need for an intimidating name for the club was initially known as the 'Mayblooms' and then the 'Mayflowers'. Admittedly, Mayblooms wasn't as effeminate as other flowers under consideration, such as daisies and tulips; however, Mayblooms still lagged a significant way behind more imposing flowers such as snap-dragons.

Understandably, the Mayflowers weren't the coolest club on the block and thus struggled to attract decent players. In these early years "success" and "Hawthorn" were a contradiction in terms for only once during the period 1925 to 1956 did the club manage more wins than losses for the year.

In 1950 Hawthorn changed its moniker from Mayflowers to Hawks and this change could itself be regarded as a psychologically significant development in the club's emergence out of the doldrums. In 1961 it won its first premiership. More successes followed in 1971, 1976, 1978, 1983, 1988-89, and 1991.

The 70s and 80s were particularly fruitful decades for the club. Not only did the decades produce the club’s great icons, they also produced many of the true icons of the game. These icons included Dermot Brereton; a tough and dirty player who was about as far removed from a Maybloom as a human can get. Lethal Leigh Matthews; considered one of the toughest and most skilful players of all time. Robert Dipierdomenico, a footballer of imposing size with an equally impressive moustache to boot - very much the type of man fathers have nightmares that their daughter will bring home.

Despite success and icons of the game, membership levels remained relatively low. Consequently, in 1996 the board voted to merge with the Melbourne Demons; seeing the merger as the only hope for the club to remain financially viable. Rather than trust the board, fans and ex-players led a rebellion and the subsequent change in marketing direction has to be seen as one of success stories of Australian sport. First, the new board fought to retain its own identity by refusing to merge. They also fought for the future of Waverly Park; an east Melbourne stadium in the heart of Melbourne suburbia. For the first time in decades, fans saw a club making a stand for something other than profit. They saw a club more interested in integrity rather than selling its soul to the lure of the dollar. It was an irresistible image that won a whole new legion of fans, particularly amongst the mums and dads whom didn't care much about fashion sense, but did care a lot about integrity.

After successfully seeing their membership rise on the backs of mums and dads, the Hawks started selling themselves as "the family club." In turn, the club found that its family image was a double-edged sword. On one hand, the family image was attractive to the sponsors moralistic shows like 7th Heaven. On the other hand, it has never been a cool school-yard boast to say one supports a club which encourages families to hold hands in an act of feel-good togetherness. Former Victorian Premier and keen Hawthorn supporter Jeff Kennett put it quite aptly when he said:

"We are a family club, but in every family, from time to time, there needs to be a bit of mongrel. "

Rather than recruit tough players to deal with the club's image problem, the football department recruited meta-sexuals in order to deal with the club's lack of fashion. Some of these players had names such as Chance, Jordan, Xavier, Beau, Buddy, and Trent, which were straight of American soap operas. Other players, such as Roughhead and Lance, had names that were decidedly phallic. To further reinforce the club's gay credentials, their captain Shane Crawford even posed for gay-style calendars and maintained an ambiguous status in regards to his sexuality.

The Queer Eye for the Hawks guy strategy achieved its objectives as a Roy Morgan poll in 2006 found that Hawks supporters were 48 per cent more likely to declare themselves to be homosexual.

The successful cultivation of a gay following presented the Hawks with a new dilemma. Not only was it in contradiction to their "family" image, it also seemed a throwback the Maybloom days where players reserved their hardness for something other than a football. To deal with its image problem, the club formed an association with Tasmania in the hope that the geographic shape of Australia's pubic state would erode from of the phallic imagery the club had become associated with. In addition, the club created a new logo with a tough looking Hawk and a vaginal shaped shield. Finally, the coach developed a new style of play built around what he described as a "box".

It seems sex sells because the mix of vaginal and phallic symbolism led to a hug spike in membership and Hawthorn nearing the ranks of Collingwood as one of the leagues power clubs.

Hawthorm are a tight team

. And he needs a "sense of humour adjustment  --- down!!!!"