Murphy, I am going fishing  tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to  take care of the clinic and take care of all me  patients". 

"Yes, sir!" answers  Murphy. 

The doctor goes fishing and  returns the following day and asks: "So,Murphy, how was  your day?" 

Murphy told him that he took care  of three patients. "The first one had a headache so he did,  so I gave him Paracetamol." 
  
"Bravo Murphy lad, and the second  one?" asks the doctor 

"The second one had indigestion  and I gave him Gaviscon, so I did sir" says  Murphy. 

"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this  and what about the third one?" asks the doctor. 

"Sir, I was sitting here and  suddenly the door flies open and a young gorgeous woman bursts in so she does. Like a bolt outta the blue, she tears off her clothes, taking off everyting including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading  her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME for the love of St Patrick!  For five years I have not seen any man!'" 

"Tunderin' lard Jesus Murphy, what  did you do?" asks the  doctor. 

"I put drops in her  eyes."

A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

'You know what?' says the 7 year old, 'I think it's about time we
started swearing.'

The 4 year old nods his head in approval, so the 7 year old says, 'When
we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear
after me, ok?'

'Ok' the 4 year old, agrees with enthusiasm..

The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants
for breakfast.

'Oh, shit mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Coco Pops'

WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got
up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.

She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice, ' And what do
YOU want for breakfast, young man?'

'I don't know,' he blubbers, 'but it won't be f*cking Coco Pops'

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church by hand. 


He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the head abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son."


He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery
Where the original manuscripts are held as archives in a locked
Vault that hasn't been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the old abbot.


So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.

"We missed the R !
We missed the R !

We missed the R !"



His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably. The young monk asks the old abbot, "What's wrong, father?"

With A choking voice, the old abbot replies,
"The word was..


CELEBRATE!"

 My wife screamed at ------"Leave! Get out of this house"she ordered.

As I was walking to the door she yelled -----Ï hope you die a slow, painful and horrible death!!!

"So I turned around and said----"So you want me to stay now"?

A NEWLY WED COUPLE GO TO A FISHING LAKE RETREAT FOR THEIR HONEYMOON.

THE GROOM ON THE SECOND MORNING IS SEEN HEADING DOWN THE STAIRS FROM THEIR HONEYMOON SUITE

WITH HIS FISHING ROD AND CREEL.

AS HE IS ABOUT TO LEAVE THE RETREAT HE IS APPROACHED BY THE OWNER AND IS ASKED WHY HE IS NOT UPSTAIRS

MAKING LOVE TO HIS NEW BRIDE.

"WILL SHE HAS GONORRHEA" HE EXPLAINED

THATS NOT GOOD SAID THE MANAGER. "WELL WHY ARENT YOU HAVING A LITTLE BACK DOOR FUN"

AGAIN THE MAN EXPLAINED " SHE HAS DIARHEA"

"WELL THIS JUST ISNT GOOD IS IT " SAID THE MANAGER

"HOW ABOUT ORAL SEX THEN WHAT ABOUT THAT" HE ASKED

AGAIN THE YOUNG LAD SAID " THE GOOD LADY WIFE HAS PYORRHEA"

" YES I CAN SEE YOUR DILEMA " ANSWERED THE MANAGER.

"WELL OUT OF CURIOUSITY WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU MARRY A WOMEN WITH ALL THIS TROUBLE" ASKED THE MANAGER

"WELL THE " YOUNG MAN STARTED "SHE HAS WORMS AND I LOVE ME FISH'N"

My missus complained "You've been pissing in the shower, haven't you!"

I replied "Well, these things happen when your doing a shit!" 

My wife left this note on the fridge....
"It's not working!! I can't take it anymore, I've gone to stay at my Mums!!"
 
I opened the fridge, the light came on & the beer was cold...
Fuck knows what she was on about!!

One for the south east metro crew. Nor guys may not have a clue who mad Adrian is, but he's more famous than the bell tower

See him around midland quite often as well....and yeah funny as shit

 Ive worked in Vic Park for the past 10 years,used to see him all the time riding down albany hwy barking at cars as they went passed,funny as! Havent seen him for awhile though

Amazing case off Chronic Schizophrenia that somehow has eluded modern treatment. Harmless but scares the sh**te out of young people. FishoRon, I would have thought that Maddog might have settled by now.

Is he still roaming?

And yes most Chronic Schizophrenic's are harmless fun, but they can be very frightening, and potentially dangerous. He isnt!

yeh mate he sure is, i see him reguarly at midland area, still loves his brown shorts and green t shirt.

one day while down the river he was in one of his moods and freaked out when i went up to him, he raised a bottle at me, i had to say..adrian its me mate, you know we fish together, then he calmed down and we had a chat for about half hour and actually joked about the incedent.

so can see why people are shit scared of him.

first pic......why oh why can i not have one of them.....the babe that is!!

Nobody has commented on the first Pic.

Brain struck is all I can say??

An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe' with a full-grown emu behind him.   The waitress asks them for their orders. The truckie says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?' 'Sounds great, I'll have the  same,' says the emu.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40  please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change and pays. The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke.' The emu says, ' Sounds great, I'll have the same.' Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress. 'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man..' Same for me,' says the emu.  Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.' Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me mate, how do you! manage to always pull the exact change from your pocket every time?'  'Well, love' says  the  truckie, 'a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I cleaned it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.   My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.' 'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want, for as long as you live!'  'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there.' says the man. 

Still curious the waitress asks, 'What's with the bloody emu?' The truckie pauses, sighs, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs, who agrees with everything I say.