Friday Funnys
Submitted by ledge64 on Fri, 2014-01-17 06:56
ENJOY 
Image Upload:
axey45
Posts: 1758
Date Joined: 26/11/13
Lol that'll be rite too.
Lol that'll be rite too.
carnarvonite
Posts: 8700
Date Joined: 24/07/07
Squid
The squid pic says it all
meglodon
Posts: 5981
Date Joined: 17/06/10
Squid picture
Been there had that experience urrrh
crasny1
Posts: 7018
Date Joined: 16/10/08
Now that is
INKED!!!
"I would like to die on Mars. Just not on impact!!" _ Elon Musk
dumper
Posts: 1027
Date Joined: 03/04/08
(No subject)
meglodon
Posts: 5981
Date Joined: 17/06/10
What do you call if you meet him in a back ally
Sir
Alan James
Posts: 2281
Date Joined: 30/06/09
Haha
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUKMUZ4tlJg
psion
Posts: 424
Date Joined: 15/05/12
Oldie but good
BUNNINGS JOB APPLICATION
NAME:
Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
SEX:
Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITON:
Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?
DESIRED SALARY:
$250,000 a year plus share options and a Julia Gillard style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION:
Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD:
Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY:
A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING:
It was a crap job.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:
Any.
PREFERRED HOURS:
1:30 - 3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here'?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 20 Kgs.?:
Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:
I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?:
On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big boobs and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE?:
12 Kms
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:
Oh yes. absolutely.
After landing my new job as a "Bunning’s Greeter", a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day .........
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, unattractive, mean-acting Bogan babe walked into the store with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Bunnings."
I then said, "Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "No, they ain't effin twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7, why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just effin stupid?"
I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone shagged you twice.... Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Bunnings."
My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
Paul H
Posts: 2104
Date Joined: 18/01/07
In a rural program for
In a rural program for farmers, a female TV reporter was seeking a cause of Mad Cow disease.
She arranged an interview with a farmer who might have some theories on the matter.
The interview went as follows:
The lady reporter: “I am here to collect information on the possible sources of Mad Cow Disease.
Can you offer any reason for this disease?”
The farmer stared at the reporter and said? “Did you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year”?
Reporter: (obviously embarrassed): “Well, sir, that's a new piece of information, but what's the relationship
between this, and Mad Cow disease?”
Farmer: “Miss, did you know that we milk a cow twice a day?”
Reporter: “Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point?”
Farmer: “I am getting to the point, Miss...Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day ...
And only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get a little mad?”
THE INTERVIEW WAS NEVER AIRED ...
Youtube Channel - FishOnLine Productions
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbUVNa-ViyGm_FTDSv4Nqzg/videos
tailor marc
Posts: 2979
Date Joined: 27/09/06
(No subject)
My photography pictures... http://westernhorizonsmedia.wordpress.com/
tailor marc
Posts: 2979
Date Joined: 27/09/06
My photography pictures... http://westernhorizonsmedia.wordpress.com/
tailor marc
Posts: 2979
Date Joined: 27/09/06
My photography pictures... http://westernhorizonsmedia.wordpress.com/
tailor marc
Posts: 2979
Date Joined: 27/09/06
Depressed Impersonators
Depressed Impersonators
My photography pictures... http://westernhorizonsmedia.wordpress.com/
tailor marc
Posts: 2979
Date Joined: 27/09/06
In Kalgoorlie paper last
In Kalgoorlie paper last week...
My photography pictures... http://westernhorizonsmedia.wordpress.com/
pale ale
Posts: 1755
Date Joined: 02/01/10
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pale ale
Posts: 1755
Date Joined: 02/01/10
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pale ale
Posts: 1755
Date Joined: 02/01/10
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pale ale
Posts: 1755
Date Joined: 02/01/10
(No subject)
pale ale
Posts: 1755
Date Joined: 02/01/10
(No subject)
catchalittle
Posts: 1875
Date Joined: 04/09/08
(No subject)
Nathan
catchalittle
Posts: 1875
Date Joined: 04/09/08
(No subject)
Nathan
catchalittle
Posts: 1875
Date Joined: 04/09/08
(No subject)
Nathan
catchalittle
Posts: 1875
Date Joined: 04/09/08
(No subject)
Nathan
catchalittle
Posts: 1875
Date Joined: 04/09/08
(No subject)
Nathan
Faulkner Family
Posts: 18253
Date Joined: 11/03/08
Tony Abbot requests a sitting
Tony Abbot requests a sitting with the queen. After a couple of phone calls later with Tony hassling the Queen she agrees.
Tony: Your Majesty, I am wondering how I could become known as the president of Australia.
Queen: Sorry , but to become a president you need to be the ruler of a united states like America .
Tony: How about becoming known as the king of Australia.
Queen: Sorry but that is not possible . To become a king you need to be the ruler of a kingdom like the United Kingdom .
Tony: Well, if I cant become a president because Australia is not a united states, and I cant be the king of Australia because it isn't a united kingdom. What can I be known as .
Queen: As Australia is known as a Country . We will leave it at that
RUSS and SANDY. A family that fishes together stays together
bayliner
Posts: 90
Date Joined: 14/08/12
(no subject)
At a wine merchant's, the regular taster died suddenly - the boss started looking to replace him. An unkempt, unwashed, unshaven drunk was the first applicant. The prospective employer wondered how to send him away without appearing to be too blunt.
With his secretary by his side, the employer gave the drunk a glass of wine to sample. The drunk did not swallow but sniffed the glass twirled it and took a sip and then said, "It's a Muscat, three Years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade but acceptable."
"Very professional," Came the response before another glass was proffered. And then came, "It's a cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. However, it requires three more years for finest results".
The boss and his secretary are becoming bemused by this and although they still wanted him to leave they offered a third glass which after contemplation came; ''It's a pinot blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive'' calmly said the drunk.
The boss was astonished and at a loss about what to do next when his secretary whispered in his ear. He nodded at her suggestion and then she left only to soon return with a glass of urine. The drunk tried it, cogitated, smiled and said, "It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if you don't give me the job, I'll name the father."
bayliner
Posts: 90
Date Joined: 14/08/12
(no subject)
A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper and
threatening manner.
The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?
The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband
comes home drunk, he threatens to slap me around."
The Doctor says: "I have a real good cure for that. When your husband
comes home drunk, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in
your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow it until he goes to
bed and is asleep."
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and
reborn.
The woman says: "Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband
came home drunk, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and he
didn't touch me!
How does the water do that?"
The Doctor says: "The water does fuck all...it's keeping your mouth shut
that does the trick...."