Friday Funnys
Submitted by ledge64 on Fri, 2016-09-16 07:38
Enjoy 
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my trophy 2352
Posts: 25
Date Joined: 17/07/16
Thats going to hurt!
Thats going to hurt!
groverwa
Posts: 286
Date Joined: 21/07/14
Senior Citizens A
A very self-important college freshman was attending a recent football game. He took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.
"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one," the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. "The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing, and....," pausing to take another drink of beer.
The Senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said, "You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young .... so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little shithead, what are you doing for the next generation?"
The applause was deafening.
I just love senior citizens!
Guardy
Posts: 381
Date Joined: 09/08/12
Flight Story
Here's what a quick witted Aussie flight attendant had to say.
A businessman in the first class cabin decided to chat up the drop dead, gorgeous flight attendant and asked, "What is your name?"
Flight attendant: "Angela Benz, sir".
Businessman: "Lovely name .... any relation to Mercedes Benz?"
Flight Attendant: "yes sir, very close"
Businessman: "How close?"
Flight Attendant: "Same price".
Travis p
Posts: 727
Date Joined: 28/07/16
happy weekend fellas
A man and his newlywed check into a mountain resort by a lake. The desk clerk notices the "Just Married" sign still on the car. As soon as the man gets the luggage out of the car, he hops in a boat to go fishing. He is out all day, comes back for a quick supper, picks up his lantern and goes back out at night. This goes on for a couple of days when the man happens to stop by the desk. The clerk starts a conversation with the man and mentions his behavior. "I know it's none of my business, but I was wondering why you weren't having sex with your new wife." "Oh, I couldn't do that; she has gonorrhea." "Well, what about anal sex?" "Couldn't do that; she has diarrhea." "There is always oral sex." "Nope, she has pyorrhea." "Wait a second. If she has gonorrhea, diarrhea, and pyorrhea, why did you marry her?" "That's easy. She also has worms, and I love to fish!"
wont catch em sitting at home!
DTrain
Posts: 486
Date Joined: 10/02/12
A vacationing penguin is
A vacationing penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.
After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he's found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says "It looks like you blew a seal."
"No no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."
meglodon
Posts: 5981
Date Joined: 17/06/10
Tailortickla mate
That is so grose it defies comment
crasny1
Posts: 7006
Date Joined: 16/10/08
LMFAO
at your comment, and the imaginary picture I have off your grossed out face!!!!
"I would like to die on Mars. Just not on impact!!" _ Elon Musk