Friday Funnys
Submitted by ledge64 on Fri, 2017-03-10 07:22
Enjoy 
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groverwa
Posts: 286
Date Joined: 21/07/14
Blonde Locked Herself Out Of
Blonde Locked Herself Out Of Her Car...
Two blondes were driving down the road. The driver noticed that she was low
on gas, so she stopped at the gas station. While she was pumping her gas,
she noticed that she had locked the keys in the car.
When she went inside to pay, the blonde asked the attendant for a coat
hanger so she could attempt to open the door herself.
She went outside and began to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the
attendant went outside to see how the blonde was faring. The blonde outside
of the car was moving the hanger around and around.
*Meanwhile, the blonde inside of the car was saying: "A little more to the
left. A little more to the right ... "*
groverwa
Posts: 286
Date Joined: 21/07/14
I accidentally swallowed
I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles......
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them.
It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night,
or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday.
But strangely enough, once she’d killed herself, I started to feel a lot better.
So I thought, “bugger it, I'll soldier on!”
I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong.
I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing!
I panicked. I didn’t know what to do......
Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30.
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with.
I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
rigpig
Posts: 507
Date Joined: 21/11/12
hahaha
the scrabble tiles.... I'm currently in Louisiana on a drilling vessel and just told that to the seppos.. blinking eyes and no expression, pissed myself even more.. straight over their square heads..
t bone
Posts: 351
Date Joined: 20/04/14
ha ha ha
Same results as when i just told the local lads out on the rig out here in Gulf of Thailand.......
rigpig
Posts: 507
Date Joined: 21/11/12
I know
I think us Aussies just have a completely different outlook and humour.
Madmerv
Posts: 672
Date Joined: 24/01/15
Weimaraner
Mine gives me that face every time i come home and find half my garden bed on the patio.. Lol
Sometimes when the water is quiet, you can hear the fish laughing at you !
Dale
Posts: 7930
Date Joined: 13/09/05
My missus just said what are your plans for Easter? I said the same as Jesus!
Disappear Friday then turn up on Monday.
"Just because you are a Character, Doesn't mean you have Character."
Mr Wolf