Friday Funnys


Posts: 286

Date Joined: 21/07/14

 The US Postal Service

Fri, 2017-05-26 07:48

 The US Postal Service created a stamp with a picture of President Trump, but the new stamp was not sticking to envelopes

This enraged the President who demanded a full investigation.
After weeks of testing and $1.73 million in congressional spending, a special Presidential commission presented the following findings:


The stamp is in perfect order.
There is nothing wrong with the adhesive.
People are spitting on the wrong side.

Posts: 286

Date Joined: 21/07/14

 culinary correctness  One

Fri, 2017-05-26 07:50

 culinary correctness

 

One night at the dinner table, the wife commented,
"When we were first married, you took the small piece of steak and gave me the larger. 
Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller.-- You don't love me any more?"

"Nonsense, darling," replied the husband, "you just cook better now."
The Saint's picture

Posts: 454

Date Joined: 30/01/13

A man who just died is

Fri, 2017-05-26 17:08

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I' m very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'



'So I just switched the heads.'