Friday Funnys


Posts: 314

Date Joined: 19/06/14

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Fri, 2018-07-20 06:42

 10 and B 

  Can I be greedy and add c,d,g and h ?

 

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 My wife understands why I clean my rods n reels in the shower....

 

pelagicyachts's picture

Posts: 826

Date Joined: 23/02/11

H, just over and over - H

Fri, 2018-07-20 07:56

H, just over and over - H

Dale's picture

Posts: 7255

Date Joined: 13/09/05

Fri, 2018-07-20 08:17

 10 and B 

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"Just because you are a Character, Doesn't mean you have Character."

Mr Wolf

 

 

Poppy's picture

Posts: 103

Date Joined: 19/01/13

Curtain Rods

Fri, 2018-07-20 08:20

 On the first day after his divorce, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things.

On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candle-light; he put on some soft background music, and feasted on half a kilo of prawns, a jar of caviar, a bottle of spring- water, 3 cans of sardines.

When he'd finished, he went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten prawnss dipped in caviar, and some sardines into the hollow center of the curtain rods.

He then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

On the fourth day, the wife came back with her new boyfriend, and at first all was bliss.

Then, slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, and airing-out the place. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!...People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house...The maid quit.

Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and decided they had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

Then he called the ex and asked how things were going. She told him the saga of the rotting house. He listened politely and said that he missed his old home terribly and would be willing to reduce his divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

Knowing he could have no idea how bad the smell really was, she agreed on a price that was only 1/10 th of what the house had been worth ... but only if he would sign the papers that very day.

He agreed, and within two hours her lawyers delivered the completed paperwork.

A week later the woman and her boyfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home and to spite the ex-husband... they even took the curtain rods!

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU? 

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A pessimist is never disapointed

Posts: 261

Date Joined: 21/07/14

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

Fri, 2018-07-20 10:26

 Bloody ripper

Dale's picture

Posts: 7255

Date Joined: 13/09/05

 

Fri, 2018-07-20 12:25

 

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"Just because you are a Character, Doesn't mean you have Character."

Mr Wolf

 

 

Travis p's picture

Posts: 686

Date Joined: 28/07/16

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Fri, 2018-07-20 08:55

 my son is such a miserable cunt i brought him a brand new trampoline for christmas and all he wants to do is sit in hes wheelchair and cry

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Smooth Seas Never Made A Good Skipper!

Posts: 178

Date Joined: 26/03/17

10, and most definitely H

Fri, 2018-07-20 12:17

10, and most definitely H

avatinni's picture

Posts: 142

Date Joined: 06/06/10

 10 & b

Fri, 2018-07-20 12:35

 10 & b

still trying's picture

Posts: 129

Date Joined: 27/06/17

 Good one travis i started

Fri, 2018-07-20 13:21

 Good one travis i started reading that thinking it was serious  

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 rather be fishing

Marineboy's picture

Posts: 627

Date Joined: 14/03/14

Missing piece

Fri, 2018-07-20 14:24

 10 is too obvious, is it the light blue square at the top right hand corner of the pic ?

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 My spots are so secret even the fish don't know about them !

Faulkner Family's picture

Posts: 14391

Date Joined: 11/03/08

 Love the first one .And gees

Fri, 2018-07-20 19:47

 Love the first one .

And gees Poppy. Thats so long drawn out but has a cracker of an end . Pissed myself laughing.  

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RUSS and SANDY. A family that fishes together stays together

opsrey's picture

Posts: 1198

Date Joined: 05/10/07

D - one less Leftard has to be good for us all.

Sun, 2018-07-22 16:02

10