funnies part 2

i hope it's ok to start this thread.... last one was getting tooooo long 

A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.
'I don't want to know,' the child said, bursting into tears.  'Promise me you won't tell me.'
Confused, the father asked what was wrong.
The boy sobbed, 'When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech
At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech.
When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.
If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really root, I'll have nothing left to live for.'

boofhead's picture

Posts: 533

Date Joined: 13/03/08

A Wee Scottish Tale. A man

Fri, 2008-05-30 12:25

A Wee Scottish Tale.

A man is cupping his hand to scoop water from a Highland burn.

A Gamekeeper shouts,
'Dinnae drink thon waater! It's foo ae coo's keech an' pish!'

The man replies,
'My Good fellow, I'm English. Could you repeat that in English for me.'

The  keeper replies,

'I said, use two hands - you spill less that way!!!

incompleat_david's picture

Posts: 94

Date Joined: 10/01/08


Sat, 2008-05-31 14:08

A man Walked Into a Bank With A Gun and Demanded the Customers Money. Once He Had Everyones Wallets and purses he turned to a customer and asked "Did You See Me Rob This Bank?" The Man Replied "Yes Sir, I Did" The Robber Shot him in the Temple Killing Him Instantly he then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man "so MATE Did you See Me Rob This Bank?" the man replied "No Sir, But My Wife Did"

A Turtle Was walking down an Alleyway in New York Late at night when he was mugged by a gang of delinquent Snails. a police officer came to investigate and asked the snail what had happend the snail replied "i dont know officer, it all happend so fast"

Compleat Angler & Camping World Joondalup
PH: 9300 2588 FAX: 93000202

boofhead's picture

Posts: 533

Date Joined: 13/03/08

married life

Tue, 2008-06-03 12:35

Married Life

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress,  chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men....that night all three agreed to wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes .

After a few days they meet again.....

The engaged girlfriend said: 'The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4' stilettos and mask. He said, 'You are the woman of my life, I love you, then we made love all night long.'

The mistress stated: 'Oh Yes!  The other night  we met in the office.  I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat.  When I opened the raincoat,  he didn' say a word.  We just had wild sex all night.'

The married one then said:  'The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mothers for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes.  My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said, 'Hey Batman, what's for dinner ?'

boofhead's picture

Posts: 533

Date Joined: 13/03/08


Fri, 2008-06-13 00:34

fishing is like picking up women.

you've got to have good tackle,

a good firm rod with a soft tip.

you've got to have the right line.

if things aren't working out you have to move spots.

and you've got to be patient,

cause you could be there for a while.

and even if you get a nibble,

it doesn't mean you'll land it.

and even if you land it,

you've got to make sure it's legal.


boofhead's picture

Posts: 533

Date Joined: 13/03/08

3 brazilian soldiers

Mon, 2008-06-16 12:56

Donald Rumsfeld briefed the president this morning. he told Bush that 3 brazilian soldiers were killed in iraq. to everyones amazement, all of the colour ran from Bush's face, then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken almost whimpering. finally, he composed himself and asked Rumsfeld, "just exactly how many is a brazillion?"