One sunny day in December, 2013, an old man approached the
Lodge from Parliament house where he'd been sitting on a park bench.

He spoke to the Guard standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with Prime Minister Gillard."
... The Guard looked at the man and said, "Sir, Julia Gillard is no longer Prime Minister and no longer resides here."

The old man said, "Okay," and walked away.
The following day the same man approached the Parliament House and said to the same Guard, "I would like to go in and
meet with Prime Minister Gillard."

The Guard again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday,
Julia Gillard is no longer Prime Minister and no longer resides here."

The man thanked him and again just walked away.
The third day the same man approached the Parliament House
and spoke to the very same Guard, saying, "I would like to go in and meet with Prime Minister Gillard.

"The Guard, understandably agitated at this point, looked
at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Julia Gillard. I've told you already that Julia Gillard is no longer the Prime Minister and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"
The old man looked at the Guard and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."

The Guard snapped to attention, saluted, and said,
"See you tomorrow, Sir.

A guy wanted to buy a gift for his new girlfriend`s birthday. As they had only started dating, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note, personal, but not too personal. Accompanied by the girlfriend`s younger sister, he went to Dillards and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrapping, however, the clerk got the items mixed up and the sister got the gloves and the girlfriend got the panties.

The guy sent the package to the girlfriend with the following note: I chose these because I noticed you are not in the habit of wearing any in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the sales clerk that helped me has a pair that she has been wearing for the past three weeks and they arehardly soiled. I had Her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come into contact with them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me Friday night. All my love. P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson.

It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.

Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . Easy, boy."

Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay, William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here.
Hang in there, boy"

At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart, and Granddad says again in a controlled voice,
"William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool, William."

Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.

She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it.
That whole time, you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay.
William is very lucky to have you as his grandpa."

"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William . . The little bastard's name is Kevin."

I see your online..I knew you would make it back... how'd the dinghy hold up did you end up catching any ...I for one thought that you encapulated what extreme fishing is all about ...getting amongst it living on the edge..

"Jesus loves you"
What you would expect to hear in Church but what you don't want to hear in a Mexican prison