that sghool of fish

Lightning Strike .....................................


MT. VERNON, TEXAS , WHOREHOUSE SUES LOCAL CHURCH OVER LIGHTNING STRIKE

Diamond D's brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business. In response, the local Baptist Church started a campaign to block the business from expanding -- with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their church. Work on Diamond D's progressed right up until the week before the grand reopening when lightning struck the whorehouse and burned it to the ground!

After the cat-house was burned to the ground by the lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about "the
power of prayer."

But late last week 'Big Jugs' Jill Diamond, the owner/madam, sued the church, the preacher and the entire congregation on the grounds that the
church ... "was ultimately responsible for the demise of her building and her business -- either through direct or indirect divine actions or means."

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently and voraciously denied any and all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.

The crusty old judge read through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply, and at the opening hearing he commented, "I don't know how the hell I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, that we now have a whorehouse owner who staunchly believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that thinks it's all b---s--t!"

AMAZING MATH QUIZ: Reveals your favourite movie!!

I did it in my head, then on paper, and finally on a calculator just to confirm my numerical capabilities.
Each time I got the same answer, and sure enough it IS my very favourite movie EVER!

DO NOT cheat and scroll down to the movies. Do YOUR maths, THEN compare the results to the list of movies at the bottom.


 

You will be AMAZED how and accurate this test is.



1. Pick a number from 1 to 9;

2. Multiply that number by 3;

3. Add 3;

4. Multiply that number by 3 again; then

5. Your total will be a two digit number. Add the first and second digits together to find your favourite movie (of all time) in the list of 17 movies below:



â
 

â



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Movie List:




1. Gone With the Wind
2. E.T.
3. Top Gun
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Hang 'em High
9. The Gillard Farewell Speech of 2013
10. The Manchurian Candidate
11. The Pretender
12. Shrek
13. The War Wagon
14. Titanic
15. Raiders of the Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. The Sands Of Iwo Jima

 Cinderella is now 95 years old. 

After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Korky for companionship.

One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.

Cinderella said, 'Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years'?

The fairy godmother replied, 'Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?'

Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:

'The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor.
I'm living hand to mouth on my disability cheques, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension.
Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.

Cinderella said,
'Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother'

The fairy godmother replied,
'It is the least that I can do.
What do you want for your second wish?'

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said,
'I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had.'
At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside her that had been dormant for years.

And then the fairy godmother spoke once more:
'You have one more wish; what shall it be?'
Cinderella looks over to the frightened Korky in the corner and says, 'I wish for you to transform my old cat Korky into a kind and handsome young man.'

Magically, Korky the cat suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.


The fairy godmother said,
'Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life.'

With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity,
The fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.

For a few eerie moments,

Korky and Cinderella looked into each other's eyes.
Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.

Then Korky walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & held her close in his young muscular arms.

He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered...

'Bet you're sorry now that you cut my nuts off'

 Aussie walks into a pub and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.

He gives her a quick glance then  casually looks at his watch for a moment.

The woman notices this and asks: 

''Is your date running late." ?
 
''No,'', he replies,

''I just got this  state-of the-art watch and

I was just testing  it.''
 
The intrigued woman says:

''A state-of- the-art watch,?  What's so special about it." ?

The Aussie explains:

''It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.''
 
The lady says, ''What's it telling you now." ?
 
 
''Well, it says you're not wearing any panties."
 
The woman giggles and replies:
 
''Well it must be broken, because I am wearing panties." !
 

The Aussie smiles, Taps his watch and  says:


 
 
"Bloody thing's an hour fast." !

 Some blokes up north came up with this one while enjoying a quiet ale or three.  

They printed-off a few car stickers, for fun, and now the demand for them has gone through the roof.

Get  Rid  Of  Gillard

WHO WANTS TO JOIN THE G.R.O.G. PARTY???

I KNOW!   I SAW IT RIGHT AWAY TOO.  NO SAFETY GLASSES OR HEARING PROTECTION!