Friday Funnys

Enjoy

Image Upload: 

Dale's picture

Posts: 7930

Date Joined: 13/09/05

Good

Fri, 2014-04-25 07:55

 Good as always Ledge, have a ripper Anzac Day folks.

Cheers

Dale

____________________________________________________________________________

"Just because you are a Character, Doesn't mean you have Character."

Mr Wolf

 

 

Posts: 1535

Date Joined: 30/12/08

Funny as usual Legde

Fri, 2014-04-25 08:05

 

stephenm's picture

Posts: 151

Date Joined: 03/04/13

very good! It was hard to see

Fri, 2014-04-25 10:07

very good! It was hard to see past the rear ends of the blondes to work out what was wrong!

Posts: 315

Date Joined: 20/01/10

A Kiwi and an Aussie were

Fri, 2014-04-25 10:13

A Kiwi and an Aussie were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer.
After a while the Kiwi says to the Aussie, 'If I was to sneak over to your house and give your wife one while you were off fishing,
and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?'


'The Aussie crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says, 'Well, I don't know about being related,

but it would make us even.

Posts: 315

Date Joined: 20/01/10

  Why

Fri, 2014-04-25 10:20

 

Why Condoms Come IN Boxes Of 3, 6, And 12


A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad? To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son.Men use them to have safe sex.
""Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. Yes, I've heard of that in healthclass at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?" The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for
Saturday, and ONE for Sunday.""Cool" says the boy.
He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men," the dad answers, TWO for Friday, TWO forSaturday, and TWO for Sunday.""WOW!" exclaimed the boy,
"then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for married working men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for
March....."

Posts: 315

Date Joined: 20/01/10

(No subject)

Fri, 2014-04-25 10:39

Posts: 315

Date Joined: 20/01/10

Saturday morning I got up

Fri, 2014-04-25 10:48

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"

Posts: 315

Date Joined: 20/01/10

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT:  You

Fri, 2014-04-25 10:51

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT:  You have two cows.  You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

A SOCIALIST:  You have two cows.  The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN:  You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT:  You have two cows.  Your neighbor has none.  You feel guilty for being successful.  You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.  The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST:  You have two cows.  The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST:  You have two cows.  The government seizes both and sells you the milk.

DEMOCRACY:  You have two cows.  The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM:  You have two cows.  You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY:  You have two cows.  The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.  You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  They are mad.  They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.  You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:  You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You enter into a partnership with an American corporation.  Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You worship both of them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION:  There are these two Jewish cows, right?  They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

AN IRAQI CORPORATION: You have no cows. Everybody thinks you have lots of cows and come looking for cows. You are now a democracy.

 

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business is good. Time for a beer.

 

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left is kinda cute...