A left wing Labor/Green politician, a trendy lefty TV reporter and an Australian SAS trooper were captured by ISIS. They were sentenced to death by beheading. The ISIS leader said they could have one last wish each before sentence was carried out. The politician ask to hear a rendering of the ALP's "It's Time".

The reporter asked that the beheading be televised so that even when he was dead, his face would be on TV.

The SAS trooper asked to be kicked three times up the arse. This was carried out, as the last kick landed the trooper pulled a hidden 9mm pistol out of his smock shot three terrorists dead grabbed a fallen AK47 and killed the rest of the terrorists. The other two were amazed, and asked why he requested to be kicked three times before drawing the gun.  Because, said the trooper, when we get back to Australia,  I don't want you pair of warped arseholes saying it was an unprovoked attack !!

 I saw a Ute driver with a bumper sticker saying:

"I am a vet, therefore I can drive like an animal."

Suddenly I realised how many gynaecologists there are on the roads.

That lawnmower man also did it with a chainsaw on a rope.