Friday Funnys


crasny1's picture

Posts: 6748

Date Joined: 16/10/08

Oldy but a goodie

Fri, 2018-11-16 11:16

some of the long term user would have seen this previous, but maybe not new ones. Heating up so couldn't help myself

August 31 - Just got transferred with work from Leeds UK
to our new home in Karratha, Western Australia .
Now this is a town that knows how to live!
Beautiful, sunny days and warm, balmy evenings.
I watched the sunset from a deckchair by our pool yesterday.
It was beautiful. I've finally found my new home. I love it here.

September 13 - Really heating up now. It got to 31 today. No problem
though. Living in air-conditioned home, driving air-conditioned car.
What a pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I'm turning into a
sun-worshipper – no blasted rain like back in Leeds!!

September 30 - Had the back yard landscaped with tropical plants
today. Lots of palms and rocks. No more mowing lawns for me! Another
scorcher today, but I love it here. It’s Paradise!

October 10 - The temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do
people get used to this kind of heat? At least today it's windy though.
Keeps the flies off a bit. Acclimatizing is taking longer than we expected.

October 15 - Fell asleep by the pool yesterday. Got third degree burns
over 60% of my body. Missed three days off work. What a dumb thing
to do. Got to respect the old sun in a climate like this!

October 20 - Didn't notice Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car before I
left for work this morning. By the time I got back to the car after work,
Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stuck
to the upholstery. The car now smells like Whiskettes and cat shit. I've
learned my lesson though: no more pets in this heat.

October 25 - This wind is a bastard. It feels like a giant fucking blow
dryer. And it's hot as hell! The home air conditioner is on the blink
and the repair man charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needs
to order parts from fucking Perth ....The wife & the kids are complaining.

October 30 - The temperature's up around 40 and the parts still haven't
arrived for the fucking air conditioner. House is an oven so we’ve all been
sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $600,000 house
and we can't even go inside. Why the hell did I ever come here?

November 4 - Finally got the fucking air-conditioner fixed. It cost $1,500 and
gets the temperature down to around 25 degrees, but the humidity makes it
feel about 35. Stupid repairman. Fucking thief.

November 8 - If one more smart bastard says 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm
going to fucking throttle him. Fucking heat! By the time I get to work, the car
radiator is boiling over, my fucking clothes are soaking fucking wet and I
smell like baked cat. Fucking place is the end of the Earth.

November 9 - Tried to run some errands after work, wore shorts, and sat on the
black leather upholstery in my car. I thought my fucking arse was on fire. I lost 2
layers of flesh, all the hair on the backs of my legs and off my fucking arse. Now
the car smells like burnt hair, fried arse and baked cat. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

November 10 -– The Weather report might as well be a fucking recording.
Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny, Hot and fucking sunny. It never fucking changes!
It's been too hot to do anything for 2 fucking months and the weatherman says it
might really warm up next week. Fuck!

November 15 - Doesn't it ever rain in this damn fucking place? Water restrictions
will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms might just dry up and blow into the fucking
pool. The only things that thrive in this fucking hell-hole are the fucking flies. You don't
dare open your mouth for fear of swallowing half a dozen of the little bastards!

November 20 - Welcome to HELL! It got to 45 fuckin' degrees today. Now the air
conditioner's gone in my car. The repair man came to fix it and said, 'Hot enough for
you today?' I wanted to shove the fucking car up his fucking arse. Anyway, had to spend
the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail me out of jail for assaulting the stupid prick.
Fucking Karratha! What kind of sick, demented fucking idiot would want to live here!

December 1 - WHAT!!!! The FIRST day of Summer!!!! You are fucking kidding me!

____________________________________________________________________________

"I would like to die on Mars. Just not on impact!!" _ Elon Musk

Jackfrost80's picture

Posts: 5166

Date Joined: 07/05/12

Sheesh, the Poms wrote the

Fri, 2018-11-16 12:21

Sheesh, the Poms wrote the book on whinging didn't they

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If catching wrasse is cool, consider me Miles Davis

Faulkner Family's picture

Posts: 14491

Date Joined: 11/03/08

 classic . 

Fri, 2018-11-16 20:24

 classic . 

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RUSS and SANDY. A family that fishes together stays together

dj dvd's picture

Posts: 225

Date Joined: 27/03/12

 I'm gonna ram this asshole! 

Fri, 2018-11-16 11:51

 I'm gonna ram this asshole!

 

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 Born to Fish/Forced to Work. www.eatsleepfishrepeat.com.au/

Rob H's picture

Posts: 4900

Date Joined: 18/01/12

 Haha, thats a winner!

Sat, 2018-11-17 12:33

 Haha, thats a winner!

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 Give a man a mask, and he'll show you his true face...

 

 

The older you get the more you realize that no one has a f++king clue what they're doing.

Everyone's just winging it.

 

davmor's picture

Posts: 219

Date Joined: 29/11/11

 A seven legged dog

Fri, 2018-11-16 12:13

 

A seven legged dog

Jackfrost80's picture

Posts: 5166

Date Joined: 07/05/12

I bet Alfred makes a mean

Fri, 2018-11-16 13:44

I bet Alfred makes a mean banner too

____________________________________________________________________________

If catching wrasse is cool, consider me Miles Davis

little johnny's picture

Posts: 3214

Date Joined: 04/12/11

Poms built this country

Fri, 2018-11-16 17:09

:).

Jackfrost80's picture

Posts: 5166

Date Joined: 07/05/12

I'd argue that it was

Fri, 2018-11-16 21:47

I'd argue that it was Scottish and Irish convicts who did all the heavy lifting 

____________________________________________________________________________

If catching wrasse is cool, consider me Miles Davis

richie68's picture

Posts: 80

Date Joined: 07/08/11

Jackfrost

Sat, 2018-11-17 06:57

 Mate, pure gold!! the collingwood gag is a cracker. you just made my day. Cheers.

piston broke's picture

Posts: 678

Date Joined: 05/11/08

Cracker Jack

Sat, 2018-11-17 07:10