Friday Funnys
Submitted by ledge64 on Fri, 2011-03-18 07:19
Enjoy 
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riptide
Posts: 70
Date Joined: 14/01/09
bored russian soldiers
rhis is the funniest thing I have seen in a while and no one gets hurt!
www.youtube.com/watch
scottland
Posts: 3045
Date Joined: 10/05/10
hahha
thats wicked lol
i support two teams eagles and whoever is playing the dockers
sea-kem
Posts: 15250
Date Joined: 30/11/09
Hahhahahahahahahaha that's
Hahhahahahahahahaha that's beauty it's funny how the simple things can make you crack up
Love the West!
dodgy
Posts: 4588
Date Joined: 01/02/10
Mate of mine has the camel
Mate of mine has the camel toe.
Does anyone know where the love of god goes, when the waves turn the minutes to hours?
scottland
Posts: 3045
Date Joined: 10/05/10
tut! tut! american soldiers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4J0fshMmlo
i support two teams eagles and whoever is playing the dockers
Tony Halliday
Posts: 2500
Date Joined: 14/06/07
http://www.youtube.com/watch?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m116voRYjR4&feature=related
with all this talk of banning roo bars / bull bars.
Seems the yanks have solved the issue!!
Tony Halliday: ~Meals on Reels ~
It takes a strong fish to swim against the current. Even a dead one can float with it
"It is always in season for old men to learn." Aeschylus (525-456 BC)
"In a mad world only the mad are sane." Akira Kurosawa (1910-1998)
alfred
Posts: 3097
Date Joined: 12/01/07
Three accountants were in the
Three accountants were in the bathroom, standing at the urinals.
The first accountant finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used 3 paper towels and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried. Turning to the other two accountants, he said, "At Price Waterhouse Coopers, we are trained to be extremely thorough."
The second accountant finished his task at the urinal and he proceeded to wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turned and said, "At KPMG, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."
The third accountant finished, pulled up his zipper and walked straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Shah & Patel, we don't piss on our hands."
The_Wanderer
Posts: 735
Date Joined: 24/09/08
Lets Offend
Lets Offend Everyone
I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage.
A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days'
I told him 'I wish I had your f**king will power'
Top tip; if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex.
Wish me luck; I appear in court next Monday.
I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today.
Apparently the instruction 'finish off on her face' didn't mean what I thought it did.
I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Paki's" were not the correct answers.
A fat girl served me food in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'sorry about the wait.'
I said 'don't worry fatty, you're bound to lose it eventually '
I walked past an abo kid sitting at a Bus Stop as I came out of the Bank. He looked at me and said 'Any Change'
I said 'Nope! You’re still Black'
Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight.
I thought to myself, fat chance with a face like that!
An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road.
A man asks What is wrong??
The boy says Me ma is dead
Oh bejaysus the man says Do you want me to call Father O’Riley for you??
The boy replies No tanks mister, Sex is the last ting on my moind at the moment.
I have a new pick up line that works every time. It doesn't matter how gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner & I always end up in bed with them.
Here's how it goes 'Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'
Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!
Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such an immense shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself I’m having that.
Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him Where am I??
The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back Ya canna kid me ya flash bastard. You’re in that feckin basket.
I had a Trivia competition shot to pieces until the last question which I got wrong. The question was Where do women have the curliest hair??
The answer I should have given was Fiji.
spanishmackeral
Posts: 940
Date Joined: 05/01/11
engineer jokes i know its
engineer jokes
i know its saturday but these are pretty funny
Understanding Engineers One
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers Two
To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers Three
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers Four
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers Five
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers Six
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers Seven
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers Eight
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
Understanding Engineers Nine
Three people – a priest, the king and an engineer – were to be executed by guillotine in France.
The priest was laid on his back but, when the lever was pulled, the blade did not fall. The executioner took this as an omen from God & released the priest.
The king was laid on his back but, when the lever was pulled, again the blade did not fall. The mob took this as an omen from God & insisted that he be released and exiled.
The engineer was laid on his back but, when the lever was pulled, again the blade did not fall. The engineer said “Hold on – I think I can see the problem....”
Dale
Posts: 7930
Date Joined: 13/09/05
Very good spanish
Very good spanish mack
Cheers
Dale
"Just because you are a Character, Doesn't mean you have Character."
Mr Wolf
cudbfishn
Posts: 1311
Date Joined: 06/04/09
Hahaha my brother is an
Hahaha my brother is an engineer and this is him all over.
sea-kem
Posts: 15250
Date Joined: 30/11/09
I'm going to forward that to
I'm going to forward that to all my clients as they're all engineers.
Love the West!
dodgy
Posts: 4588
Date Joined: 01/02/10
Engineers= all brains, no
Engineers= all brains, no smarts.
Does anyone know where the love of god goes, when the waves turn the minutes to hours?
Lastchance
Posts: 1275
Date Joined: 02/02/09
How do you know an Engineer
How do you know an Engineer is about to say something intelligent? He starts his statement with "....An electrician once told me...."
Dicko
Posts: 219
Date Joined: 07/10/10
like
Like that comment...being a sparkie and all..
nana nana nana nana fishing!!!