Friday Funnys

 

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Faulkner Family's picture

Posts: 18025

Date Joined: 11/03/08

Very good . Got some beauties

Fri, 2023-01-13 11:27

Very good . Got some beauties there

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RUSS and SANDY. A family that fishes together stays together

dmck's picture

Posts: 438

Date Joined: 07/03/19

those less fortunate...

Sun, 2023-01-15 11:44

 Xmas is a time for reflection when we think about those in the community not as fortunate as others.

2022 was no exception.

I came across this plea from the heart to Santa clearly demonstrating the need for compassion and understanding in these troubled times.


DEAR SANTA,

WHEN I WAS A CHILD, MY FATHER CHEATED ON MY MOTHER AND DIDN"T LOVE OUR FAMILY.

LATER, MY MUM AND DAD DIVORCED AND DAD WENT HOME TO LIVE WITH GRANDMA.

SOON AFTER, MY MOTHER DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT.

MY BROTHER AND I HAD TO LIVE IN GRANDMA'S OLD HOUSE WITH DAD.

GRANDMA'S SISTER WAS AN ALCOHOLIC.

MY UNCLE ANDY IS BARELY KEEPING HIMSELF OUT OF JAIL FROM DAY TO DAY.

THE WHOLE FAMILY LIVED ON MY GRANDMA'S SAVINGS.

GRANDMA RECENTLY PASSED AWAY.

MY BROTHER LEFT HOME AND WON"T TALK TO US ANY MORE.

MY DAD, NOW 74, HAD TO GO TO WORK TO SUPPORT US AND HE IS EVENTUALLY GOING TO WANT ME TO DO THE SAME THING.

Yours sincerely,

PRINCE WILLIAM

dmck's picture

Posts: 438

Date Joined: 07/03/19

First Aid fail...

Sun, 2023-01-15 11:45

 Paddy and Shane are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill. One day, 

Shane slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. 

Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Shane to the local hospital.


Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Shane. The nurse says, "Oh he's out in rehab exercising

." Paddy couldn't believe it, but there's Shane out the back exercising his now re-attached arm. 

The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill.


A couple of days go by, and then Shane slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw. 

So Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Shane off to the hospital.


Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. The nurse replies, 

"He's out in the rehab again exercising." And sure enough, 

there's Shane out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. 

And very soon Shane comes back to work.


But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head. 

Wearily Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Shane to the hospital.


Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Shane is. 


The nurse breaks down and cries and says, "He's dead."


Paddy is shocked, but not surprised. "I suppose the saw finally did him in."

"No", says the nurse, "Some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated."

dmck's picture

Posts: 438

Date Joined: 07/03/19

Bar-room games....

Sun, 2023-01-15 11:51

 An Australian walks into a bar with a pet crocodile by his side 
 
He puts the crocodile up on the bar.   
He turns to the astonished patrons. 
'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this crocodile's mouth and 
place my manhood inside. 
        
Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute.  
Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. 
In return for witnessing this spectacle, 
each of you will buy me a drink.' 
 
The crowd murmured their approval. 
The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, 
and placed his Credentials and related parts in the crocodile's open mouth. 
  
The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. 
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer  bottle and smacked the 
crocodile really, really hard on the top of  its head 
    
The croc opened his mouth  and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. 
    
The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered. 
    The man stood up again and made another offer...
 
'I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try.' 
 A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the  bar. 
 A blonde woman timidly Spoke up........... 
'I'll try it -  Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!'

Faulkner Family's picture

Posts: 18025

Date Joined: 11/03/08

Very good. Made me choke on

Sun, 2023-01-15 13:36

Very good. Made me choke on my coffee. Bloody Irish and blonde jokes

____________________________________________________________________________

RUSS and SANDY. A family that fishes together stays together