The Rampies
Hello,
Having done a bit of satirical writing in the past, and due to the positive response to my first post, I thought I might detail a few experiences in an effort to solicit member responses for us all to enjoy. I would like to talk about that place where we all must go, and in some cases dread, and encounter the sorts of individuals that you would never normally associate with. You guessed it, the bloody boat ramp.
What is with this place? How can there be so many people without a clue? I remember a Michael Leunig cartoon when this old guy sits up in bed next to his wife in a sweat and says: “I just had this nightmare where there were no more assholes in this world”; she pats him on the back and states; “Don’t worry dear, there will always be enough”.
There does seem to be some characterisation that can be placed on these people whereby observed traits are repeated by many individuals: do these people belong to a Club?; are there secret meetings where they pass on their behavior to others?; is this passed down family lineage? It begs the question that has plagued geneticists over the years about whether behavior traits are learned because of environment or is it just in the genes? Anyway, enough of the philosophy and back to the observations at hand.
From my limited experience, I would propose the following characterisations for what I would affectionately call “The Rampies”.
The Prepper – this is the guy that does absolutely nothing to get his boat ready before he gets to the ramp. He will place his “pride and joy” in prime launching position and then proceed to f&*k around forever making sure that nothing has been forgotten, and he is really ready to go. He goes about his business with seemingly oblivious bliss to the ever growing line of others behind him.
The Dawdler – this is the guy that is perpetual motion, but unfortunately it is “slow motion”. It is a given that some people are past their prime and cannot undertake tasks at the rate of their youth, but, it isn’t a given that the busy ramp is a place where you must really try your best to “clear” as soon as possible. I think back to this one bloke that took about 15 minutes to get in the water, with a flotilla of boats assembling to get in, and when he finally did he morphed from a “Dawdler” to a “Reckless” heading off at 12 knots through the flotilla that he obliviously caused.
The Quejumper – don’t we love these guys? It is all about them. What, there are other boats lined up to get in; don’t they know that I have an important engagement to go to; how can someone think they are more important than me; I have a nice boat so that surely means I an “entitled”. This type of individual is probably the one to single handedly cause the most “issues”.
The Rager – this guy has obviously taken some form of “angry juice” before he gets down there. I liken some behavior to Jeckyl and Hyde whereby some mild mannered gent crosses the line towards the ramp and has a complete personality reconfiguration. He seeks out other “Rampies” and then rages at them endlessly over their behavior to the stunned disbelief of onlookers. These ones are really to be avoided rather than confronted as the controversy of the “coward punch” comes to mind.
The Parker – this is the guy that does everything right but somehow has a brain fade at the end when parking – I can take up two or three bays with the miss-aligned effort. I somehow think this condition is caused by over excitement about getting out there and there is some physiological reaction whereby previously unknown brain chemicals are released causing impairment of normal bodily functions.
The Jettie – I am not sure if this behavior trait is caused by having a “small one”, even though it is really fast. I am not having a go at this user type across the board as many I have seen are very responsible and the true Jettie seems to be a small subset. Even though there are rules relating to boating behavior set by our responsible government, and you have to pass a test about these to be able to use your awesome machine, the Jettie somehow believes that these don’t apply to them. The true Jettie has a combination of other “Rampie” personality types and is really a unique species.
The Oblivious – from what I have seen, this type of person is not generally associated with the ramp but is a member of the general public that blunders into ramp land without a clue about what is actually going on. At my local ramp there is a sign that says vehicles without trailers should not enter but the “Oblivious” does not even see it, or if they do it is ignored. They then proceed to drive in front of vehicles with trailers turning right to straighten before launching or retrieving – yes mate, my trailer is perpendicular to the ramp because jack knifing trailers is the way they have been designed and is the normal method of use. Unfortunately, it is generally up to us to recognise an “Oblivious” and use avoiding tactics to preserve our various expensive items that are in peril because of their actions.
The Tetherer – this guy seems to think that his ropes are coated with super glue and once connected to the mooring items at the ramp they cannot move. It doesn’t matter that there is enough room for the Titanic to moor in front, I am not going anywhere until my trailer is well and truly in the water.
The Reckless – this type of guy is mentioned above but there are too many behavior types to accurately characterise in a few short words. I am sure there are many observations of behavior that obviously fall into this class of “Rampie”.
Anyway, the ramp is a place where unbelievable thing happen. In the short time I have been using them I have been able to characterise as above. I am sure there are many members with experiences to share that will help us all enlarge and recognise the different classes of “Rampie”, and perhaps a user guide should be prepared? I hope the above can stimulate some meaningful discussion because unfortunately we do have to go there.
Mick
Ability is what you are capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it - LH.
Geoff78
Posts: 324
Date Joined: 05/03/13
The Monk
I must admit, I've never experienced any problems at the ramp and generally find everyone pretty easy-going and in good spirits, but I'm the rope guy, not the driver, so I probably don't see the real action.
The main job of a rope guy is waiting, so to kill time, I generally ask other ropers if they caught any fish or where they headed. 90% speak freely and an exchange of helpful and interesting info takes place. Something along the lines of "yeah, we found a couple of decent fish in 35m." Not enough to give away a spot, but useful info nonetheless.
The other 10% I dub "the Monks", because they have clearly taken a vow of silence. Regardless of the fact the Monk's icebox contains 3 wrasse and a couple of sand whiting, he refuses to discuss the general area he fished, as any clues he may provide could lead to his secret spot being inundated with hundreds of would-be wrasse hunters.
Whilst the Monk remains silent, his facial expressions betray his feelings as you find some reason to take the lid off your icebox, exposing some sizeable dhuie tails. It's usually at this point the monk revokes his own vow of silence and decides exchanging information might not be such a bad idea afterall. I'm always happy to help as I point out those whiting of his would make ideal bait.
Adam Gallash
Posts: 15644
Date Joined: 29/11/05
The monk
The monks a classic!
Site Admin - Just ask if you need assistance
hornet42
Posts: 179
Date Joined: 24/07/12
True
True i have met most of these guys at Bunburys ramps.
PB Dhu 850 mm Pink 820mm
Auslobster
Posts: 1901
Date Joined: 03/05/08
You forgot two more types...
...the "Oversleeper" who decides to take his boat down to the ramp at 1030 on a warm summer Saturday morning and then wonder why the place is filled with "dawdlers/parkers/ragers/etc", which leads to:
the "whinger"...someone so upset with the whole situation that he/she has to put everyone into categories with negative connotations.
You have to understand that with every year more people acquire boats, there is always going to be increasing numbers at the ramps, and the only solution is to get up earlier and/or go boating away from peak times. Simply crying about it on the internet ain't gonna fix the problem.
collin g wood
Posts: 313
Date Joined: 18/04/11
Lighten up bro
Are we not allowed to take the piss anymore in our society.
Mick C
Posts: 607
Date Joined: 26/12/13
Sorry
Auslobster - I sincerly apologise if my post is seen as a whinge, as it really wasn't meant that way. I am an early riser so rarely encounter much trouble even when coming in which is the time when most activity is taking place. I am also very tolerant so never really get upset - just wait it out and watch it happen. I have seen many people mention this type of behaviour so just thought I would pen something that might amuse some of the members. I was certainly amused by Geoff78's Monk reply. Apologies again. Mick
Ability is what you are capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it - LH.
Guardy
Posts: 381
Date Joined: 09/08/12
Met the Queue Jumper this morning
There was a big queue of cars, trailers and boats, waiting to launch or retrieve this morning. I had dropped my mate off so he could get the car and trailer and had pulled back out of the way of other boats. A Barcrusher came in and everyone got off onto the beach with a guy standing at the bow on the beach. About 15 minutes later I saw a ute and trailer come barrelling down the road overtaking the cars waiting patiently for their turn. The driver whipped into the turning bay and when the ramp had a empty space he backed his trailer down at speed hitting the curb with a heavy thump. Pulled back and proceeded to back down into the water. Slammed on the brakes, jumped out of the car and ran to the Barcrusher and jumped onboard. Started that up and headed over to the trailer where he drove on. All done at speed. From what my mate was telling me there was 4 cars with trailers in front of him and a couple behind waiting when the guy overtook them all. Impatient bastard
MandurahMatt
Posts: 613
Date Joined: 18/09/13
Hahaha good read lol
Hahaha good read lol
Bewdey Fellaz
MandurahMatt
Posts: 613
Date Joined: 18/09/13
The private pen guy and the soon to be divorced guy
You forgot the guy who fails to recognise that it is a launching facility and just ties up to the jetty while going to shore for a BBQ or visit to the shop or invites his mate to come have a beer on his 30ft project boat and waves g'day to the people who are getting the s..ts on as he's in the way !!
Also my personal favorite is the guy who is compleatly incompetent at the whole launching docking and retreaving process and starts yelling at his wife as all problems he encounters are clearly her fault !!
Bewdey Fellaz
Auslobster
Posts: 1901
Date Joined: 03/05/08
No worries...
...I no doubt "jumped the gun" here. Looking back at your post I now appreciate what you were trying to do; probably everyone who's read it most likely got a kick out of it, and yes, I think any one of us who have spent any time at all at boat ramps have witnessed most, if not all of the types you mention.
So yeah mate, it's me who should apologise...can't fault a bloke for trying to make people laugh!
Mike17
Posts: 323
Date Joined: 30/06/13
Ghosts
Another for the list is "The Ghost"
I have had the unfortunate and frightening experience of one firsthand. These are the owners of the boat that's tied up with onone on board and usually right up close to the ramp.
Easily recognised by the signs of cobwebs on the ropes and cleats. Never attempt to touch this vessel yourself always send the most expendable decky.
Upon return to said vessel they are always completely oblivious to other people, this may be that they don't realise we can all see these "Ghosts"
Mike
Use The Force
Sandgroper-WA
Posts: 125
Date Joined: 27/02/11
The Illiterate - only found
The Illiterate - only found at the larger boat ramps which include Launch Only, Launch/Retrieve, and Retrieve Only lanes. Funny how they only seem to turn up at the peak periods.
southcity104
Posts: 1659
Date Joined: 27/01/09
classic!!!
can clearly relate. hillarious Mick!
"Its a life style job"
chris raff
Posts: 3257
Date Joined: 09/02/10
The TosserApproaching the
The Tosser
Approaching the ramp from a few hundred metres out in closed waters .. with other vessels travelling in a orderly queue . The Tosser then springs into action , overtaking all boats whilst happily nodding to all as he passes by .. typically the tosser will own a bowrider and have his dush dush music cranked up with only one hand to be seen above the gunnel at all times .
Well written Mick , good laugh .. worthy of a shed poster .
“Intelligence is like a four-wheel drive. It only allows you to get stuck in more remote places.”
Rob H
Posts: 5796
Date Joined: 18/01/12
mmm, seem to have left out
mmm, seem to have left out the "good bloke"
He's the guy that enjoys himself out on the water, doesnt let too much bother him, helps other guys who are struggling to get in/out and doesnt get flustered or feel threatened by the ramp nazis
And wont let anyone else spoil his day out!
Give a man a mask, and he'll show you his true face...
The older you get the more you realize that no one has a f++king clue what they're doing.
Everyone's just winging it.
Hairyone
Posts: 246
Date Joined: 26/12/09
Yeah......I agree.
As much as its a good read and pulling the piss is an excepted sport in my eyes I do think the "Good Bloke" or even the "beginner" should rate a mention. The bloke who could do with a bit of help or advice rather than criticism from smart arses.
I cant remember if the "Hero" has been included either - you know the one...the bloke that sits there and criticizes everyone else because he knows better but then makes a complete arse of himself when his turn comes along and something goes wrong.....blames his deckie or anyone else in the area and expects everyone to help....LOL
And I'm not inferring any of the posters fit this category....just a comment
Cheers
fish 06
Posts: 164
Date Joined: 30/06/13
I think i saw
Yeah good one Mick C,
I think I saw everyone of them on Saturday afternoon
at the Mindarie ramp, spent 2 hours watching and offering my assistance, got some strange looks from some, a couple of thanks, and a few blank looks.
was not a bad way to spend the afternoon when my deckie pulled the pin on me at 4 in the morning ( son )