Thursday Funnies......
Understanding engineers
It's not possible to understand Engineers. They are strange!!
Understanding Engineers #1
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers #6
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers #7
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers #8
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."
I recall Hlokk saying this the other day "Four years ago befor I went to skool, I cooldnt spel enginear, and now I is one....."...hahaha. Just joshing Matt.
Boston Whaler 235 Conquest......getting the flogging it was built for.
till
Posts: 9358
Date Joined: 21/02/08
#2 No, I was informed the
#2
No, I was informed the glass has a 2.0 safety factor.
3315B
Posts: 55
Date Joined: 18/02/11
Engineers, no offence meant
Arguing with an engineer like wrestling with a pig
Everybody gets covered with shit and the pig's the only one who has a good time
ernie
hlokk
Posts: 4290
Date Joined: 04/04/08
Now, that's a complete
Now, that's a complete generalisation...
Some of us dun country folk like wrestlin' with pigs
The_Wanderer
Posts: 735
Date Joined: 24/09/08
Why Men Should Wait In the
Why Men Should Wait In the Car
FREAKEN HILARIOUS!
*WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING*
*After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on
her trips to Woolworths. Unfortunately, like most men, I found
shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally
unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to
browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter
from the local Woolworths.
Dear Mrs. Jacobs,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and
have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our
complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed
below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
**1. **June 15**:**Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put
them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
**2. **July 2**:**Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to
go off at 5-minute intervals.
**3. **July 7**:**He made a trail of tomato juice on the
floor leading to the women's restroom..
**4. **July 19**:**Walked up to an employee and told her in
an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right
away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned
station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in
turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to
lose time and costing the company money.
5. August**4:**Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a
box of SMARTIES on lay-buy.
6. August 14**:**Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a
carpeted area.
7. August 15**:**Set up a tent in the camping department and
told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would
bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to
which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23**:**When a clerk asked if they could help him
he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just
leave me alone?' Paramedics were called.
**9. September 4:**Looked right into the security camera and
used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
**10. September 10:**While handling knifes in the kitchen
department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
**11. October 3:**Darted around the store suspiciously while
loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
**12. October 6:**In the auto department, he practiced his
'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
**13. October 18:**Hid in a clothing rack and when people
browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
**14. October 21:**When an announcement came over the loud
speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO!
IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'*
*
*And last, but not least:*
**15. October 23:**Went into a fitting room, shut the door,
waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no
toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.*
Likc
Posts: 361
Date Joined: 09/08/09
That is gold!
That is gold!
hlokk
Posts: 4290
Date Joined: 04/04/08
Jamies right, the correct
Jamies right, the correct engineering answer is safety factor 2.
I never said that John! I clearly said six years. hahaha