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Friday Funnys

Submitted by ledge64 on Fri, 2015-09-25 07:05

Enjoy

‹ Pinkies Cubing up ›
Image Upload: 

lachieH

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Posts: 1126

Date Joined: 02/03/13

 Nice again ledge!answer for

Fri, 2015-09-25 07:36

 Nice again ledge!

answer for Sheldon question is 79

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Fishing the swan for bream, it's just an obsession

ricey

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Posts: 740

Date Joined: 24/12/09

Good job Lachie

Fri, 2015-09-25 08:43

+1 for 79...

 

That is also the number of points that Freo won't score over tonight, all they need to do now is keep Hawks to 78 or less... 

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Wise man says - first take the plank out of your own eye before trying to take the speck out of somebody else's.

scottland

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Date Joined: 10/05/10

Lol

Fri, 2015-09-25 09:58

who cares kaley cuocco though 

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i support two teams eagles and whoever is playing the dockers

z00m

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Posts: 1086

Date Joined: 10/05/14

edit

Mon, 2015-09-28 17:58

 I thought 68 was the number. Add 11 to the previous answer? 

EDIT:

Oh yeah now I get it. The number was 117 and not 116. I guess I'm in the not paying attention to detail section.

Paully

Posts: 3246

Date Joined: 15/08/09

68

Mon, 2015-09-28 21:11

 .

opsrey

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Date Joined: 05/10/07

The wind

Fri, 2015-09-25 07:45

  I love the wolf of wall st

another good lot, thx.

Rob H

Posts: 5810

Date Joined: 18/01/12

 

Fri, 2015-09-25 08:01

 

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 Give a man a mask, and he'll show you his true face...

 

 

The older you get the more you realize that no one has a f++king clue what they're doing.

Everyone's just winging it.

 

Lastchance

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Date Joined: 02/02/09

Now that is piss funny!

Mon, 2015-09-28 15:37

Now that is piss funny!

groverwa

Posts: 286

Date Joined: 21/07/14

 A guy is looking for a place

Fri, 2015-09-25 08:41

 A guy is looking for a place to sit in a crowded library.

He asked a girl in a university library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?

The girl replied in a loud voice: "I DON 'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed and moved
to another table.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said
with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt
embarrassed, right?

The guy then responded in a loud voice: "$500 FOR ONE NIGHT?
THAT'S ROBBERY!"

All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy then whispered in her ear: "I study law: I know how to screw people."

groverwa

Posts: 286

Date Joined: 21/07/14

 I went to Bunning’s recently

Fri, 2015-09-25 08:47

 I went to Bunning’s recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to yourself' road-kill chilli. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off. 

Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's Movement 2'. Despite habanera peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'. 

Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for Bunning’s, my quest being paint and supplies to refinish the den. Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit me. 
Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that 'Uh, Oh, , gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time.. The thing is, this pain was different. The habaneras in the chilli from the night before were staging a revolt. 
 
In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The peppers fired a warning shot. 
There I stood, alone in the paint and stain section, suddenly enveloped in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odour might escape me. 
 
Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a red aproned clerk turned the corner and asked if I needed any help. 
 
I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate.. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate. 
 
I could've warned that poor clerk, but didn't. I simply watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odour so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. ........BIG mistake!!!!! 
 
Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun. 
 
Suddenly things were no longer funny. 'It' was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal assplosion took place. 
 
Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the John, began the inevitable 'Oh my God', floating above the toilet seat because my ass is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, 'Son-of-a-bitch!, did it smell that bad when you ate it?', then quickly left. 
 
Once finished and I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.' 
 
My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return 
 
Home again without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chilli, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Woollies . I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter. 
Bastards claim they're going to have to repaint the store.
 

groverwa

Posts: 286

Date Joined: 21/07/14

Fartingly funny

Fri, 2015-09-25 18:28

Have a look at www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FyD95Hv7CU