Friday Funnys
Submitted by ledge64 on Fri, 2011-02-18 07:17
Enjoy 
Image Upload:
alfred
Posts: 3097
Date Joined: 12/01/07
A man had 50 yard line
A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl.
As he sat down, he noticed that the seat next to him was empty.
He asked the man on the other side of the empty seat whether anyone was sitting there.
"No," the man replied, "The seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the first man.
"Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world and not use it?"
The second man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away.
This will be the first Super bowl we haven't been together since we got married in 1967."
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else -- a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shook his head. "No, they're all at the funeral."
madfishoholic
Posts: 187
Date Joined: 25/03/10
Absolute Gold.
Absolute Gold.
I dont need counselling just a bigger boat
cuthbad
Posts: 1266
Date Joined: 22/04/09
yep that is a good one, love
yep that is a good one, love it!
Timmo
Posts: 258
Date Joined: 01/03/10
blonde gets it right somewhat?
Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates.
'I'm sorry, 'St Peter said; 'But Heaven is suffering from an overload of goodly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.'
'That's cool' said the blonde, 'What does the Entrance Exam consist of?'
'Just three questions' said St Peter.
'Which are?' asked the blonde.
'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T'
'The second is 'How many seconds are there in a year?'
'The third is 'What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'
'Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.'
So the blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought (I expect you to do the same).
The following morning, St Peter called upon the blonde and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied, 'I have.'
'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?'
The blonde said, 'Today and Tomorrow.'
St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question.
'Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions?'
St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?'
The Blonde replied, 'Twelve!'
'Only twelve?' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure?'
'Easy,' said the blonde, 'there's the second of January, the second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds.'
St Peter looked at the blonde and said, 'I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.'
And he walked away shaking his head. A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde.
'I'll allow the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven.
Now, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'
The blonde replied; 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to answer.'
'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'And what is the answer?'
'It's Andy.'
'Andy?''
'Yes, Andy,' said the blonde.
This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that, deliberating the answer.
Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning to the blonde, asked 'How in God's name did you arrive at THAT answer?'
'Easy' said the blonde, 'Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited til his billy boiled.'
And the blonde entered Heaven...
And what's worse .. you're now singing it to yourself to check, hahahaha..............
scottland
Posts: 3045
Date Joined: 10/05/10
hahaha stress relief?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGZCbY3EQjE
i support two teams eagles and whoever is playing the dockers
The_Wanderer
Posts: 735
Date Joined: 24/09/08
http://www.guy-sports.com/hum
http://www.guy-sports.com/humor/jokes/jokes_chili.htm
Ben Derecki
Posts: 1926
Date Joined: 10/10/07
groan...
Finding a woman sobbing that she had locked her keys in her car, a passing soldier assures her that he can help.
She looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.
Magically it opens.
"That's so clever," the woman gasps. "How did you do it?"
"Easy," replies the man. "These are khakis!".
sea-kem
Posts: 15259
Date Joined: 30/11/09
HAHAHAHAHAAHA that's a bloody
HAHAHAHAHAAHA that's a bloody beauty.
Love the West!
scottland
Posts: 3045
Date Joined: 10/05/10
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12K-qXPu-rM
lol
i support two teams eagles and whoever is playing the dockers
Tony Halliday
Posts: 2500
Date Joined: 14/06/07
I felt sorry for Renier the
I felt sorry for Renier the hypnotist I saw last night.
He hypnotised 7 blokes then he tripped over the microphone cord and yelled. "F*ck Me".....
What happened next will haunt me forever...
Tony Halliday: ~Meals on Reels ~
It takes a strong fish to swim against the current. Even a dead one can float with it
"It is always in season for old men to learn." Aeschylus (525-456 BC)
"In a mad world only the mad are sane." Akira Kurosawa (1910-1998)
alfred
Posts: 3097
Date Joined: 12/01/07
My Blackberry is not working.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAG39jKi0lI
tommyqueenfish
Posts: 373
Date Joined: 27/10/10
BEST EVER!! HAHAHAHAHA
BEST EVER!! HAHAHAHAHA
SALT WATER FLY ADDICT!!
Australian Representative for Roatan Lures, If you have any questions please pm me!
Adam Gallash
Posts: 15665
Date Joined: 29/11/05
gold
Now thats comedy!
Site Admin - Just ask if you need assistance
Jody
Posts: 1578
Date Joined: 19/04/07
Hot
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv5iEK-IEzw&feature=related
TWiZTED
r.gates
Posts: 573
Date Joined: 15/11/10
The Ashes Urn.....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=j8Bc7eRTdWY
regards
rusty...
If life is boring, you must be doing it wrong!
Faulkner Family
Posts: 18335
Date Joined: 11/03/08
Due to the by laws laid out
Due to the by laws laid out in 1974, all women must wear underwear at any workplace.
the law strates that all man holes are to be covered when not in use
RUSS and SANDY. A family that fishes together stays together
deezydee
Posts: 109
Date Joined: 05/12/10
Here`s a few more.Let's
Here`s a few more.
Let's offend everyone,
I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips,
mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said
'I've not eaten for two days' I told him 'I wish I had your f**king will
power'.
A fat girl served me food in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'sorry
about the wait.' I said 'don't worry fatty, you're bound to lose it
eventually'
An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks 'What is
wrong'?? The boy says 'Me ma is dead' 'Oh bejaysus' the man says 'Do you
want me to call Father O'Riley for you'?? The boy replies 'No tanks
mister, Sex is the last ting on my moind at the moment'
Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such an immense shutter
speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her
mouth closed.
I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you
could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself
'I'm having that'
Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks down and sees a
farmer in the fields and shouts to him 'Where am I'??
The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back 'Ya canna kid me ya flash
bastard. You're in that feckin basket.
I had a Trivia competition shot to pieces until the last question which I
got wrong. The question was "Where do women have the curliest hair"??
The answer I should have given was "Fiji"
Sorry if you ARE offended
BUT you should of stopped
After the 1st joke.
carnarvonite
Posts: 8707
Date Joined: 24/07/07
Potato
There was this potato sitting on a bar stool chatting up the gorgeous blushing tomato barmaid while having a beer in a pub. What he didn't see was the beautiful tomato's boyfriend , Punk Carrot, watching them. After many beers the potato left the pub and was headed for home when he was severely bashed by Punk Carrot and his mates.
The potato woke up in hospital with a doctor looking him over. The doctor said "I have some good and bad news for you, which do you want first?" "Give me the bad news last " said the potato. "Well" said the doctor, " you were badly beaten and we've been able to save some of your eyes and now the bad news is that you are going to be a vegetable for the rest of your life."
PJAY
Posts: 1005
Date Joined: 12/05/09
i knew a girl once who was
i knew a girl once who was very beautiful and she had acute angina???
The Kimberley....perfect one day and more perfect the next!!!