KWINANA APPEAL 

Cyclone Shazza hit Kwinana this afternoon..
  Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering 'Faaackinell'.

 The storm devastated the area causing approximately $30 worth of
 damage.

 Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals were
 woken well before their Centrelink (Social Welfare) cheques arrived. The Kwinana Times
 reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were
 still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Kwinana.

 One resident - Tracy Maree Sharon Britney Madonna Smith, a 15-year-old
 mother of 5 said 'It was such a shock, my little Chardonnay-Mercedes came
 running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two Joachim and River slept
 through it all.'

 Apparently, looting, muggings and car crime were unaffected and carried
 on as normal. The Australian Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000
 crates of Bacardi-Breezers to the area to help the stricken locals.

 Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found
 large quantities of personal belongings, including Health Care Cards, Jewellery
 from Kmart, and Bone China from Big W.

 HOW CAN YOU HELP?

 This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
 unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most
 sought after - items most needed include: flannelette shirts, tight blue
 jeans or spandex, singlets (blue & white) white sport socks, Ugg boots
  and  any other items usually sold in Priceline or The Reject Shop.

 Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
 Required foodstuffs urgently needed include: Microwave meals, Baked
 beans, Ice cream, Chips, Fizzy drinks.

 Donations of $15.00 will be taken to buy a packet of winny blue 25s and a
 lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

**Breaking news**

 Kwinana Uniting Church has cancelled their local 'Nativity Display' due
 to their inability to find three wise men or a virgin. Please don't forward
 this to anyone living in Kwinana - oh, stuff it, they won't be able to
 read it, anyway!

(Oh i ripped this off an Email thought it kinda fitted the storm warnings)