To the tune of American Pie

A long, long time ago

I can still remember how Shane Charters used to make me smile

And I knew if I had my chance

That I could make my players dance

And maybe they'd be stronger for a while

But 2013 made me shiver

With every paper that was delivered

Barratt on my doorstep

I couldn't take one more step

I can't remember if I cried

When I read about how they proved I lied

But something touched me deep inside

The day my fiction, died

[Chorus]

So bye-bye, to my Essendon Lie

Took my Bombers to the top, and built up our pride

And my good old boys injectin’ another peptide

Singin' "No-one will ever know that we lied 

No-one will ever know that we lied"

[Verse 1]

Did you write the book of push & shove

And do you have faith in Demetriou above

If the AFL tells you so?

Now do you believe in 9604, 

And how drugs save your football soul

And can you teach me how to inject real slow?

Well, you know that I was in love with Dank

Since I saw him injectin’ out the back

We both beefed up our tans

To show off to all our fans

I was a lonely rookie coachin' buck

With a Brownlow medal and a million bucks

But I knew I was out of luck

The day they found I lied

[Chorus]

I started singin' bye-bye, to my Essendon Lie

Took my Bombers to the top, but then our hamstrings died

And my good old boys injectin’ another peptide

Singin' "Hope they never find out we lied

Hope they never find out we lied"

[Verse 2]

Now for ten games we've been out on our own

With hidden texts on my mobile phone

But that's not how it used to be

When the rumours came that we weren’t clean

When in truth we were as high as James Dean

“But the drugs came from Dank, not me”

And while me, the king, was counting cash

ASADA found my hidden stash

The courtroom was adjourned

Until the ASADA verdict was returned

And while Sam Newman read a book from FARC

The media stakeout in the park

And we injected in the dark

The day our dreams died

[Chorus]

We were singin' bye-bye, to my Essendon Lie

Took my Bombers to the top, but no-one knew why

And my good old boys injectin’ another peptide

Singin' "Do you think that the media has spied?

Do you think that the media has spied?"

[Verse 3]

Helter skelter in a winter swelter

The wheels fell off in another belter

Eighth place now and falling fast

Another player lying on the grass

A hamstring sprung trying a short pass 

Another player on the sidelines in a cast

Now the premiership air is sweet perfume

While Meatloaf sings an awful tune

We’d all love the September dance

Oh, but we’ll never get the chance

'Cause if the players try to take the field

Will ASADA refuse to yield?

Will we ever really know what was revealed

The day my dream died?

[Chorus]

We were singin' bye-bye, to my Essendon Lie

Took my Bombers to the top, but then David Evans cried

And my good old boys injectin’ another peptide

Singin' "ASADA’s looking and I’d better go hide

ASADA’s looking and I’d better go hide."

Oh, and there we were all in one place

An entire season lost in space

With no chance left to start again

So come on, Jobe be nimble, Jobe be quick 

Watson sat “On the Couch” real quick

('Cause Roosy is the Demon’s only friend)

Oh, and as I watched him on the stage

My hands were clenched in fists of rage

No angel born in Hell

Could break that Roosy spell

And as the ratings climbed high into the night

To light the sacrificial rite

I saw Roosy laughing with delight

That’s when, they knew, I lied

He was singin' bye-bye, to my Essendon Lie

Took my Bombers to the top, but our success was a lie

And my good old boys injectin’ another peptide

Singin' "Now our premiership dreams are fried

Now our premiership dreams are fried "

I asked my girl who hates the Blues

And I asked her for some happy news

But she just smiled and turned away

I went down to the AFL store

Where they all loved me years before

But the man there said that finals, we wouldn't play

And in Bay 13, the Bombers screamed

The Magpies cried and the Hawks all dreamed

But not a word was spoken

The servers all were broken

And the three men I admire most

The Demetriou, The Dank and the Charters Ghost

They caught the last train for the coast

The day they’d found I’d lied

And they were singin' bye-bye, to my Essendon Lie

Took my Bombers to the top, but then our hamstrings died

And my good old boys injectin’ another peptide

Singin' "I can’t believe they found out we lied

About ever having seen a peptide”

[Chorus]

They were singin' bye-bye, to my Essendon Lie

Took my Bombers to the top, but then our hamstrings died

And my good old boys injectin’ another peptide

Singin' "I can’t believe they found out we lied”