A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours. He also invited Geoffrey the only aboriginal in the neighbourhood.
He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns, oysters and BBQ and flirting. At the height of the party the host said, ' i have a 15ft man eating crocodile in my pool and ill give anyone a million dollars who has the balls to jump in'.
The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Geoffrey in the pool. Geoffrey was fighting the croc and was kicking its ass! Geoffrey was jabbing the croc in its eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of stuff, like head butts and choke holds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the croc through the air like some kind of judo instructor.
The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Geoffrey and the croc were both screaming and raising hell. Finally Geoffrey strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a goldfish. Geoffrey then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.
Finally the host says 'Well, Geoffrey, I reckon I owe you a million dollars'.
'Nah, you all right. I dont want it' said Geoffrey.
The rich man said 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about a half a million bucks then?'
'No thanks, I dont want it' answered Geoffrey.
The host said 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new porsche and a rolex and some stock options?'
Again Geoffrey said no.
Confused, the rich man asked, ' Well Geoffrey, then what do you want?'
Geoffrey said, ' I want the name of the c*&t who pushed me in the pool!'
From the mouth of Aussie comedian King Billy Cokebottle
I was travellin in the outback one day wit my friend Morton, when off in the distance we sees a booze bus (police).
Morton thinks this is great and heads straight for it.
We pulls up and Morton winds his window down and says "Two cans of Emu Export thanks mate!"
The copper looks at me and Morton and says "You must be drunk! Get out of the car and blow into this bag for me."
Morton got out of the car and said "Sorry boss, I can't blow in that. I got a letter from the doc saying I'm asthmatic and I'll pass out if I blow in that."
The cop looks at him and with a bemused look and says "OK. In these cases we require you to give a blood sample."
"Nah nah sorry boss. Can't be doin that. I got a letter from the Red Cross saying I'm a Hemophiliac and I could bleed to death. Sorry boss, can't do that" said Morton.
By now the copper is getting fairly pissed off and finally demands a urine sample for testing.
Morton looks at him and says "Sorry boss, can't do that either."
The copper says "Surely you can't have a letter for that!!! "
"Bloody oath mate." says Morton. "It's from the government. Says that you whites can't take the piss out of us Black Fellers."
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy Parka and a leather jacket at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she if OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said... . "FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."
A young man moved into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.
While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, 'Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.'
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely..
Now nude, she purred at him, 'What would you say is my best feature?'
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your ears.'
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, 'My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere.
How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?'
Clearing his throat, he stammered ..... 'Outside, when you said you heard someone coming.... that was me ....'
carnarvonite
Posts: 8627
Date Joined: 24/07/07
Classic!!
Classic!!!
fisherman1992
Posts: 320
Date Joined: 06/11/09
hhaahaha thats pritty funny
hhaahaha thats pritty funny
fishing isnt a sport its a lifestyle
Lamby
Posts: 3145
Date Joined: 04/08/09
Laptop speakers: Too quiet
Laptop speakers:
Too quiet for music
Too loud for porn
JakeB
Posts: 262
Date Joined: 12/12/09
Why are fish so
Why are fish so smart?…They are always in schools
Timmo
Posts: 257
Date Joined: 01/03/10
geoffrey the aboriginal
A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours. He also invited Geoffrey the only aboriginal in the neighbourhood.
He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns, oysters and BBQ and flirting. At the height of the party the host said, ' i have a 15ft man eating crocodile in my pool and ill give anyone a million dollars who has the balls to jump in'.
The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Geoffrey in the pool. Geoffrey was fighting the croc and was kicking its ass! Geoffrey was jabbing the croc in its eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of stuff, like head butts and choke holds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the croc through the air like some kind of judo instructor.
The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Geoffrey and the croc were both screaming and raising hell. Finally Geoffrey strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a goldfish. Geoffrey then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.
Finally the host says 'Well, Geoffrey, I reckon I owe you a million dollars'.
'Nah, you all right. I dont want it' said Geoffrey.
The rich man said 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about a half a million bucks then?'
'No thanks, I dont want it' answered Geoffrey.
The host said 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new porsche and a rolex and some stock options?'
Again Geoffrey said no.
Confused, the rich man asked, ' Well Geoffrey, then what do you want?'
Geoffrey said, ' I want the name of the c*&t who pushed me in the pool!'
Lamby
Posts: 3145
Date Joined: 04/08/09
lol, I have a good chuckle
lol, I have a good chuckle every time I hear that one
Dicey
Posts: 912
Date Joined: 23/07/10
LOL good stuff mate!
LOL good stuff mate!
Freo_Boi
Posts: 266
Date Joined: 23/02/10
Classic
From the mouth of Aussie comedian King Billy Cokebottle
I was travellin in the outback one day wit my friend Morton, when off in the distance we sees a booze bus (police).
Morton thinks this is great and heads straight for it.
We pulls up and Morton winds his window down and says "Two cans of Emu Export thanks mate!"
The copper looks at me and Morton and says "You must be drunk! Get out of the car and blow into this bag for me."
Morton got out of the car and said "Sorry boss, I can't blow in that. I got a letter from the doc saying I'm asthmatic and I'll pass out if I blow in that."
The cop looks at him and with a bemused look and says "OK. In these cases we require you to give a blood sample."
"Nah nah sorry boss. Can't be doin that. I got a letter from the Red Cross saying I'm a Hemophiliac and I could bleed to death. Sorry boss, can't do that" said Morton.
By now the copper is getting fairly pissed off and finally demands a urine sample for testing.
Morton looks at him and says "Sorry boss, can't do that either."
The copper says "Surely you can't have a letter for that!!! "
"Bloody oath mate." says Morton. "It's from the government. Says that you whites can't take the piss out of us Black Fellers."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kg4bcaIXKHU
Timmo
Posts: 257
Date Joined: 01/03/10
grandmother of all blonde jokes
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy Parka and a leather jacket at the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she if OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing and she replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said...
.
"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."
Lamby
Posts: 3145
Date Joined: 04/08/09
A young man moved into a new
A young man moved into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.
While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, 'Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.'
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely..
Now nude, she purred at him, 'What would you say is my best feature?'
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your ears.'
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, 'My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere.
How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?'
Clearing his throat, he stammered ..... 'Outside, when you said you heard someone coming.... that was me ....'
Dicey
Posts: 912
Date Joined: 23/07/10
lol nice one!
lol nice one!
uncle
Posts: 9350
Date Joined: 10/02/07
lambys
yep will pay that one
all aggressive fish love bigjohnsjigs