A man walks into a pub,

notices a very large jar on the counter,

and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 notes.

He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it.

He approaches the bartender and asks,

"What's with the money in the jar?"

"Well.., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests,

you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Jaguar XFR." 

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks,

"What are the three tests?" 

"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."

So, after thinking it over a while,

the man gives the bartender $10 which he stuffs into the jar. 

"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do: 

First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila,

in 60 seconds or less,

and you can't make a face while doing it."

"Second -

There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth.

You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."

 "Third -

There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex.

You have to take care of that problem."

The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 --

but I'm not an idiot!

I won't do it!

You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila

and then do all those other things!"

"Your call," says the bartender,

"but, your money stays where it is."

As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says,

"Where's the damn tequila?!"

He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can.

Tears stream down both cheeks --

but he doesn’t make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds!

Next, he staggers out the back door

where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole.

Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling,

screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight --

then nothing but silence!

Just when they think that the man surely must be dead,

he staggers back into the bar.

His clothes are ripped to shreds

and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body.

He drunkenly says,

"Now...., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?"

 Any fishing action today dudes ?

Barb was lying in bed one night. Art was falling asleep but Barb was
in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

        She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."

        Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to
get back to sleep.

        A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me..."

        Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek
and settled down to sleep.

        Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck..."

        Angrily, Art threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

        "Where are you going?" Barb asked..

        "To get my teeth!"
 

80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home.
She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can guess
what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!"

        An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"

        Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
 

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the
years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their
activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

        One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and
said, "Now don't get mad at me... I know we've been friends for a long time
but I just can't think of your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't
remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

        Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared
        and glared at her.

        Finally she said, "How soon do you need to Know?"

As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone
        rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "
        Vernon , I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong
way on I-25. Please be careful!"

        "Hell," said Vernon, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

A little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down
the halls in a nursing home.

        As she ran, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say
"Supersex."

        She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair, flipping her gown at
        him, she said, "Supersex."

        He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take
the soup."

they say money can't buy happiness, well I just went to McDonalds and brought a Happy Meal

...but a lack of it can sure cause UNhappiness! 

 Blokes making love to his missus when she says

 "why dont you turn the lamp off and put it in my ass"

he thinks afterwards in hindsight he should have let it cool down first...

 You are all making me laugh again.

The Stella caption is sweet.

Funniest thing all week
http://fishwrecked.com/forum/face-bookers-bon-peche-page#newhttp://fishwrecked.com/forum/face-bookers-bon-peche-page#new