Friday Funnys
Submitted by ledge64 on Fri, 2011-07-01 07:28
Enjoy 
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alfred
Posts: 3097
Date Joined: 12/01/07
Did you hear about the fat
Did you hear about the fat alcoholic transvestite?
All he wanted to do was eat, drink and be Mary.
r.gates
Posts: 573
Date Joined: 15/11/10
With ages comes wisdom...
An old guy who loves fishing, is out on the water, when he hears a voice "Pick me up".
After looking around and not seeing anyone, he goes back to fishing. Then he hears the same voice "Pick me up, pick me up".
When he looks into the water he sees a frog, so the old guy asks "are you talking to me"?
The frog says "yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up and kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'm make sure all of your friends are envious of you because I will be your bride".
The old guy leans over and picks up the frog and carefully places it into his shirt pocket.
The frog says "hey, are you nuts...didn't you hear me. Kiss me and I'll be your beautiful bride".
The old guy looks into his pocket and says "nah, at my age, I'd rather have a talking frog".
If life is boring, you must be doing it wrong!
makai
Posts: 459
Date Joined: 28/10/08
Love it Alfred!!
Love it Alfred!!
southcity104
Posts: 1659
Date Joined: 27/01/09
I like it!!!
"Its a life style job"
MattMiller
Posts: 4171
Date Joined: 15/06/09
HAHA,
sheer brilliance
Timmo
Posts: 257
Date Joined: 01/03/10
little girl and julia
Julia Gillard was seated next to a little girl on an airline flight to Canberra.
She turned to the little girl and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said Julia. "How about global warming, refugee policy, or stimulus packages?"
"OK," the little girl said. "Those could be interesting topics, but let me ask you a question first: A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass, yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose this is?"
Julia, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming, refugees, or the economy, when you don't know shit?"
She then went back to reading her book.
crasny1
Posts: 7003
Date Joined: 16/10/08
A man goes into Angus &
A man goes into Angus & Robertson's bookstore and asks the young lady assistant,
"Do you have the new book out for men with short penises?"
"I can't remember the title."
She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."
The man said, "that's the one, I'll take a copy."
My Surgery�
When I first noticed that my penis was growing larger and staying erect longer, I was delighted, as was my wife.
But... After several weeks, my penis had grown fifty centimeters.
I Became quite concerned. I was having problems dressing, and even walking. So the wife and I went to see a prominent urologist.
After an initial examination, the doctor explained to us that, though rare, my condition (Donkey Doodle) could be fixed through corrective surgery.
"How long will he be on crutches?" my wife asked anxiously.
"Crutches? Why would he need crutches?" responded the surprised doctor.
"Well,"� the wife said coldly, "you're gonna lengthen his legs, aren't you?
"I would like to die on Mars. Just not on impact!!" _ Elon Musk
Dan
Posts: 168
Date Joined: 23/02/06
Normal 0
Just after my wife had given birth; I asked the doc
"how soon do you think we'll be able to have sex ?"
He winked at me and said "well, I'm off duty in 10 minutes; meet me in the car park"
Spinnerak
Posts: 521
Date Joined: 03/04/10
What do you call a kiwi with
What do you call a kiwi with 20 girlfriends??
A shepherd
Subway cookie is the best burley
troy fuller
Posts: 411
Date Joined: 30/08/10
lol spinnerak.. simple but
lol spinnerak.. simple but awesome haha
scottland
Posts: 3039
Date Joined: 10/05/10
lol
how does a kiwi find his sheep in long grass????? delightful ahaha
i support two teams eagles and whoever is playing the dockers
flangies
Posts: 2549
Date Joined: 11/05/08
Gold!!
Gold!!
harro
Posts: 1959
Date Joined: 07/02/08
fishing
Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place. First guy: " You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend." Second guy: " that's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool." Third guy: " Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her." They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him. You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. " What's the deal?" Fourth guy: " I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, " Fishing or Sex" and she said fuck off!!."
:::: Bass Hunter ::::
harro
Posts: 1959
Date Joined: 07/02/08
more fishing jokes
A husband and wife came for counseling after 15 years of marriage.
When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 15 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow.
The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.
The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"
The husband thought for a moment and replied, "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
:::: Bass Hunter ::::
Spinnerak
Posts: 521
Date Joined: 03/04/10
Why aren't kiwis allowed to
Why aren't kiwis allowed to take their girlfriends to rugby games?
They eat all the grass
Subway cookie is the best burley
John_M
Posts: 967
Date Joined: 17/01/10
thoroughly enjoyed reading
thoroughly enjoyed reading these aha
Goatch
Posts: 1011
Date Joined: 03/07/07
Here's another couple
Adelaide Crows beat the Sydney Swans and Bombers beat Geelong !!!!!
Just one more cast , honest !!!
mullows
Posts: 738
Date Joined: 25/12/08
What are the thre great Kiwi
What are the thre great Kiwi lies???
1) My wife is a Maori princess.
2) I was an All Black triallist, and
3) I was only helping it over the fence!!!!
Cheers
Mullows
The Older I get the better I was :-)
dkonig82
Posts: 2091
Date Joined: 06/07/10
Haha some classics in here
Haha some classics in here guys
When asked by a non-fisherman 'how many fishing rods do you really need?' the correct answer is either:
n+1 (where n is the number of fishing rods you currently own); or
n-1 (where n is the number of fishing rods which would cause your significant other to dump you.